Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Happy Day in America

Good morning. Here’s your step-by-step Inauguration coverage through the eyes of a girl who is looking forward to seeing Obama’s speech, Oprah’s tears, and “Sasha Fierce’s” performance. I may be on West Coast time, but I am on East Coast coffee…thanks Livi.

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7:31a: I’m up, against my will, cuz I love to sleep. It’s Inauguration Day!

8:00a: The cavalcade, so fun to watch the peeps scream like mad, as if the Jonas Bros. were walking by. Those cars are indestructible, which at this point seems very necessary, given who is in the car (the new and old presidents).

8:04a: Bunch of guys filing in. Also some women. If I’m being honest, I don’t know half these people. I am still a newbie as far as politics.

8:12a: Cicily Tyson= little bit crazy. Oh yeah, this blog will focus on history, but will no less be sprinkled with celebrity sightings.

8:14a: Biden’s mom looks like she’s giving those Marines that are seating her quite a hard time. She’s prob demanding a better seat and some hard candies. Speaking of oldies, older Bush looks ridic in purple and day-glo yellow.

8:19a: Jimmy Carter, cute as a button. Awww, they had to skip over the 40th president. May he rest in peace. They coulda let his wife come out for God’s sake! 41st: oldie Bush. Someone made him cover that turtleneck, thank God.

8:21a: Clinton!!! Poor Hilary, what a trooper. Jeez, people are going crazy for her! She’s doing that smile and “Hey!” thing as she points to those she knows, or pretends to remember. “Hey you! Call me!”

8:23a: Bush’s skanky daughters. Ok, maybe just the unmarried one.

8:24a: Haha, the movers are there as we speak! Can I just say that that’s the second time that Katie Couric has mentioned Obama’s underwear…

8:25: Sasha and Malia! Sassy…better dressed than I’ll ever be.

8:26a: Laura Bush bought a house in Texas for her and George. He’s never seen it. He just has to get on a plane and walk through the front door. Kinda like his presidency, minus the bad decisions and idiotic speeches.

8:28a: Laura Bush=not a MILF.

8:29a: I’m nervous for Bush to come out. Will they cheer or boo? I do feel badly for him…let’s stay tuned.

8:30a: Michelle is out and hugging lots. I’d hate being first lady, that’s for sure! So pretty.

8:35a: Cheney in the wheelchair. Katie firstly said he strained his groin, now she says his back. Get your mind out of the gutter Katie!!!

8:36: HERE HE COMES! Bushy I mean. Hmmmm, I think I hear 3 individual claps. Sad. He looks sad. Now I’m sad. Thanks for bringing me down again, Mr. President (Mr. P. for 5 more minutes!)

8:38a: Lots of stylish scarves today! Is this the Inauguration or a Mark Jacob’s runway show?

8:39a: ok , here he comes!!!!!!!!! Joe Biden gets a rousing welcome…and now…the doors close. It’s like he’s the bride coming down. Oh my God this is so exciting!

8:40a: He looks so scared, and proud. Lots of cheers of course! Yayayayayayaya! O-BA-MA chants!

8:45a: Why don’t the bulletproof walls look high enough to protect??!!

8:48a: Speech one over. Uh-oh here comes Rick Warren. No good, Obams.

8:50a: “You are loving to everyone you have made”. Wow, he paused for applause during his prayer. Doesn’t seem right. Long prayer=Obama and Biden putting their heads up peeking during prayer. The Lord’s Prayer, for those Catholics out there.

8:53: Aretha “biggest boobs I’ve ever seen, biggest ugly hat I’ve ever seen, can’t understand a word she sings” Franklin. Now’s the time for a bathroom break.

8:57a: Joe Biden is the first Catholic VP EVER??!! That doesn’t seem possible. Anyway, he has been sworn in. Sidenote: Biden’s teeth are worth more than my life.

9:00a: Yo-Yo Ma and friends play instruments. I’ve really got nothing else on that one.

9:01a: They just showed a clip of L.A., then Chicago, and wouldn’t you know it, the same crowd was there! Either they have special powers like Jumper, or some dumbass as CBS is getting fired right now for f’ing up the Inauguration. Awww, a little boy in a Chicago school just saw that he was on TV and didn’t know what to do with himself. Precious!

9:05a: President Bush’s term just ended at 12, and only Biden has been sworn in, making him president for 5 minutes.

9:06a: Obama is messing up his oath! So cute! AND HE’S PRESIDENT! HE’S PRESIDENT!

9:07a: The speech begins…”Extend opportunity to every willing heart…” I like it.

9:17a: “Our power doesn’t protect us, nor does it allow us to do as we please”. He should have looked AT Bush when he said that.

9:20a: “The old hatreds will someday pass…your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you have destroyed…we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist…”

9:22a: Kindness, selflessness, courage, willingness, fairness, tolerance, loyalty, patriotism. These are the things he wants from us. Will we follow through, or will we continue to live our own personal agendas? He cannot do this alone, don’t forget that.

9:24a: “A man, whose father would not have been served in a restaurant a mere 60 years ago, can now take this sacred oath…” His black reference. Well said and well received.

9:26a: Speech ends. Crowd goes wild!

9:29a: Elizabeth Andrews, poet. Good poem, but a robot would have read it more eloquently. This is no poetry slam, but she needs more passion in her words!

9:32a: Rev. Dr. Joseph Lowery, older than the Lord himself. Shit, I just realized he was praying. {bows head}

9:35a: {peeks, impatiently}

9:37a: He’s got jokes! “Black wont be asked to move back, brown will be able to stick around, yellow will be mellow, the red man will get ahead man, and white will do whats right.”

9:40a: It’s over. They will now go eat on plates that resemble Lincoln’s china pattern.

9:43a: Now we come to the commentary by all of these newscasters that have opinions. I hate this after sports games and I hate it now.

9:46a: Matthew Bodean, apparently an actor. This is the extent of celebrities. Crap. Beyonce apparently performed the other night. I’m days too late for the Hollywood Glamour.

9:50a: The Bushes board a helicopter. That’s it, it is over. He’s going on with the rest of his non-presidential life now. “What do you think he will do with all of his time?” “Well, all of us close to him are thinking of getting unlisted numbers because we think he’ll have a lot of time on his hands!” hahaha cute.

9:54a: Bush waves goodbye to the nation. Bittersweet. He’s still a human, you have to feel for him on some level. Kinda rude of the newscaster to butt in and say, “…no more m & m’s served in bowls…” while the others said “No more Camp David, no more Oval Office, no more Air Force One…” Bad taste being subjective.

9:57a: Bush flies away. They still point out how bad he was and how some people are cheering the helicopter away. Maybe not the time or place. Maybe I’d feel differently if I were a different person. Right now I think we need compassion though.

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Apparently there’s an Inaugural Parade. Not sure I’m gonna cover that. Stay tuned for your local news for continuing coverage…