Word Nerd

Thursday, February 28, 2008

If anyone watched A.I. Tues. night, you know what the title of this blog is referring to. If not, long story short, one of the contestants loves crossword puzzles and search-a-words--said he had an "obsession", and he called himself a word nerd. I, too, would like to step up and say "Hey! Im not embarassed (ok maybe I am) to say Im a word nerd, too!" As we speak, (as I type, you read) I have a Variety Puzzle book sitting on my desk. It is almost finished and it is 2 weeks old. I loveveveveveveveveveve puzzles and do them absolutely every night. In college I went thru this jigsaw puzzle stage where Id buy em, do em, then glue em and hang em. Tacky (no pun intended), but utterly satisfying to look up while youre peeing and see that gorgeous creation looking back at you. Jigsaws take lots of space, though, which I dont find I have much of these days. Some day maybe Ill have a jigsaw room, where my friends and I willl laughhh and puzzle! hahahaha-youre soooo right. Ill probably have no friends and puzzle alone :( As a child my Nana introduced me to fill ins, which are cooler than crosswords and dont require knowing answers to questions like "Actor Alda?" in order to fill in the grid (update: I now know its Alan). Those were my first and remain my favorite types of puzzles. The circle-a-word seemed to be DJs favorite, but I secretly knew mine were harder to do and for smarter kids (hahahahajkjkjk). No really.

Now I find myself puzzling day and night. I already want to purchase a new book, I hate when Ive run out and have no backups in the house. Its like running out of crack, for a crackhead of course. Doing them online is just not the same. Takes me longer to type the stupid words, and I like to doodle while I puzzle, too. (God, I already sound like a lady with too many cats!) I dont care if anyone wants to judge---go ahead!!! Laugh! Poke fun! When you all come down with Alzheimer's in 50 years, and Im as sharp as a tack, youll be sorry! (Except, well, you probably wont. Youll have Alzheimers. You wont recall you ever did it (aww, sad for you)).

I was thinking that I guess this, along with my love for reading writing and arithmetic, makes me a "nerd" (case in point: I recently was introduced to the website math.com and was way more ecstatic to do random math problems for no reason than I should have been.) I like it. Id take nerd over some other things, like "hobo" or "leper". It brought me to think about all the different types of people there are and why I am not one of them instead:

Redneck: Yes, I grew up in Coventucky (thanks Nina), RI, so one could say Im bordering on this, but I like to fight that point with this one--I have never, nor would I ever, date someone in my immediate family. Or step-family. Thats quite a feat for a redneck. They dont like to branch out, I believe its because their old beat up pick-up trucks probably wouldnt make it to the next county--hell, next neighborhood, in order for them to meet other singles. Stick to the farm [animals]. Also, I dont ever have a blade of grass hanging from my mouth, I dont wear plaid, and I cant milk a cow or spit watermelon seeds really far. Top reason, though: I hate country music. Period.

Gangsta: So Ive been known to run my mouth, while drunk, with the best of em, but never have I been seriously considered "gangsta". I think Im tough, but I know Im not, and this has been the main reason I was never initiated in to a gang. Also, I never found one that suited me. I hate blue, red clashes with my hair, and Im not "Latin" enough, Ive been told. Im still looking for the perfect gang that wears pink and loves dancing to Britney Spears hits. Oh well. Its probably better off, Ill be safer "unaffiliated", but I am disappointed I cant be gangsta for the comfortable fashion. When everyhting is 8 sizes too big, you never feel self-conscious about your body!!!

Preppie: The Gap makes me nervous. I cant see wearing the same shirt every day but in 10 different Earth tones. Its too plain for me, too blah. Argyle sweaters look itchy. Polo shirts with collars popped were cool circa 2004 as and Applebees employee uniform, but I just cant bring myself to do it anymore. I dont feel I fit the part (and dont even get me started on khakis). Too distinguished, too proper, and not colorful enough. Plus, I have too much of a potty mouth for that fashion.

Hippie: I am as far from hippie as Posh Spice or Eminem. I dont hug trees, I dont make my own clothes, dont smoke weed, and definitely dont like The Dead. I eat meat, which i have tried to give up and cant, plus veganism is just wayyyy too much work! I love the Earth, but not like those crazy in love with the Earth peeps. I need to wash my hair, I need to shave my armpits, and I cant run around in flowy chiffon skirts all the time, what shoes would I wear? Oh yeah, none. Not happenin.

Jock: Main reason--I cant dribble a basketball. I cried the first time I was taken to a public court and tried to be taught to do a layup. No, literally. Not just whined about it, like broke down in tears. Ive always wanted to be sporty, but the closest I ever come is going to the gym, which, thank God, im pretty successful at. As for real sports, I was the kid with the asthma that had to sit out after 10 minutes of rigorous play. The closest I come these days is billiards and poker. Those are sports, right? (Just say yes and spare the freckled-red-head's-asthmatic-feelings).

Butch: I like my hair. I like my form-fitting clothes. And I like that Im actually a girl. Some people feel differently, but this is me. Plus, Im not a lezzie, which counts me out right there. Now dont tell any tough gay girls about this, Im scared. (You know, not being gansta and all...)

Yuppie Snob: I dont know anyone like this mainly because when I see them I go the other way. They think theyre better, drink their Starbucks, read their Wall Street journal cover to cover and turn me right off from wanting to associate with them. I like kind people who will flash you a smile, not throw big words at you til youre too confused to think. Maybe Im just not smart enough to fit in with them...or maybe its that I believe theres more to life than reading the dictionary and bragging about how great my boring job is.

Homeless: I feel for them, but this is why I stay off drugs and booze (ok fine, not the last one), keep working, and save my money. Now there are all sorts of reasons people become homeless, of course Im sensitive to that, but I just try to avoid anyhting that may even bring me close. Im a baby in the cold and like my privacy. And we all know what my hair looked like after 7 days without a shower!

Club Kid: Too flashy and drugged up. I dont have the money for it really. I like to remember my weekends, for the most part, and I dont wanna have to live in an 8 bedroom house with 12 roommates if I dont have to, just to support my habit. The act of sucking on a pacifier while wearing sequins and sparkles and dancing like a loony has never been my cup of tea. Or cup of water-to-keep-my-dehydrated-ecstasy-ridden-body-going.

Valley Girl: My voice is too low. I dont have the funding from my "daddy". And I certainly am not wearing short plaid skirts with color-coordinated sweater sets. I dont want people looking at me like my IQ borders on mildly retarded if Im not. And I dont want my 1 priority to be at what age I should get my first job---by that i mean boob job, nose job, and lypo job.

So I guess Ill stick to me. Mean sometimes, sweet sometimes, terribly sarcastic, super geek, but always aiming to please.

(Blehhhhh...I just threw up on myself! Who wrote that last line! She should be beaten and left for dead! Stupid wussy girl.)

**********Special Baby Announcement**************

Welcome to the world, Sadie Rae Willard! Born sometime yesterday, could have weighed 21 lbs and been 34" long for all I know. Keep me in the loop, people!!!! Cute kid though, and shes already on Myspace!!! Her About Me talks about how she likes being born and eating and dislikes being changed and everything else shes never learned yet. Her Who Id Like To Meet includes Jesus, Madonna, and Miley Cyrus.

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~If anyone was offended by any of the things I said Im sorry, I really am. It was not meant to be offensive in any way. Jst a little humor to brighten your day~

~oh yeah, and if you were offended, grow a set...~

Uppers, Downers, and Oscars Galore!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Blog 63: The title of this blog may be misleading. I love being heavily medicated as much as the next guy, but its not at all what I refer to (this time). Since I left Rhody i havent been sick. Not for a day. Living out of the car, seedy hotel rooms, scorching weather in Vegas and dreary wether here, nothing got me ill. Until, of course, now. My boss was sick two weeks ago, but seeingas we have a totally plutonic relationship (like any normal boss/employer, except maybe a choice few from APPLEBEES!) I figured her sickness would not catch me. Then, Donia was sick. Great, by the time she realized her throat hurt, well, too late. We cough and sneeze all over each other at all times, cute eh?, so I knew I was doomed. Not until after my throat was scratching like newborn kitten did I remember Id bought Airborne. OOPS. Never good with the whole sick thing. So now Im ridin it out. The voice is a little raspy/cute, though, so Im really dealing well with it. Speaking of sick, I was thinking about those people, we all know at least one, who are always 1-upping you with their sicknesses. 1-uppers are my least favorite humans. You know who Im talking about, those people who have to 1-up you with everything. You have a happy story, they have a better one. You have a depressing tale, they have a more tragic one. You got a puppy, they own 5 g..horses all the sudden. You have a cold, theyre dying of some made-up illness. Theyre always trying to outdo you, and you know this because as youre telling your story you can see them thinking about their better story, and it usually begins immediately fter your story. If they dont cut you off. Theres also those people who are just always sick. "How are you?" Sick, so sick, sick for weeks, probably almost dying". "Oh, I have the flu, nothing big, doing ok". "Oh no, mines serious. Killer flu. Im pretty much never healthy, nor will I be healthy again". "Nice talkin to ya". (exit quickly) Then theres the people who I second dont like, but are much more bearable indeed. They are those people who just do dumb shit. For no reason, and theyre not really stupid, they just always end up doing stupid things so carelessly. Though I am not perfect, I most definitely have faults, I am not one of these people. Therefore, I must blame the occurance last weekend on my sickness. (Just let me have that, will ya!?) Or maybe it was drunkedness, I cant really remember. When you drink morning noon and night, it all runs together (heehee...errr...joke?) I woke up Saturday morning and Donia said she had a present for me. Sweet! Saturday presents, whats better than that? Then she follows it up with, "Well, you left it for yourself, so I left it for you". Ugh. What a fun present this is gonna be...I turn the corner of the kitchen and I see a huge brown puddle on the floor. I approach it a little closer and see that its thick, its chocolate, it gooey. Fuck. Its all over the top of the fridge, its all down the side of the fridge, and of course, the floor. So heres the story: the night before we had some drinks. Do with that what you will. Then I just had this urge to make cupcakes. To my surprise, the cupcakes came out phenominally, but there were 24 of them, so I decided to freeze half. Our freezer is full of so much shit, seeing as Donia McFrugal buys enough food for months in advance. If theres a storm, or a disaster, or any end-of-the-world shit going on, we will be fed. And fat. Anywho, I rearranged the freezer to the best of my abilities, first taking things out, then putting things back more orderly. *Ahem*-Almost everything went back, I guess you could say. I apparently put the ice cream, the fi..ull half gallon, on top of the fridge. And left it there. All night. (No wonder everything fit back in so well!) So, I was punished, made to clean up my mess. Oh, but to add to the frustration and stupidity, Nash and Gus had a mighty tasty breakfast that morning, chocolate chips, chocolate, and marshmallow all over the floor. Then Gus threw it all up. 4 times. In various areas of the apartment. Mommy made baby sick :( If he was a human baby and that was poison, Id be charged with neglect! (Though I dont know why Id have poison in the freezer, and I dont know why I wouldnt pay more mind to it thawing on top of the fridge. I needed an analogy, sorry). And then, the thrid worst people to me are those who tell you to do something and then complain its not done exactly to their liking...THEN CLEAN IT YOUR DAMN SELF! Sorry I got loud... Did anyone watch the Oscars? Yeah, neither did the rest of the country, dont worry. Lowest Oscars ina while, down 21% from last year. ("How does she know these stats!?" "Her job, remember, surfing the web aimlessly?" "Oh Yeah") I, of course, the freak I am about awards and celebrities, did tune in. All 3.5 hours. John Stewart was hilarious. The majority of winners were from outside of the US. Good for them. What does that say about us. We dont need a writers strike again, thats for sure. Were all whining about money meanwhile the rest of the world is stealing our little gold statues right out from under us. Stupid Americans (Im pretty sure anytime someone went up and accepted their award and spoke another language, thats what they were saying). The highlight of the night for me was when Juno finally won something! Not movie or actress or supporting, but screenplay. Thats a pretty good one. So, gothic ex-stripper queen Diablo Cody goes up and accepts her award. She is souped! Shes honored! Shes awesome, and trashy, and great! Heres what went on at this moment: Donia: "How much you wanna bet shes not wearing Versace?" Leah: "Or underwear" Go Diablo! Youre on my Top Ten if you have an half-dressed depiction of yourself tattooed on your arm and your name is "Devil" in Spanish. Well, week 4 of the job and yet to meet a right live client. This is gonna suck when I have to actually work at work. Hey, anyone have any baby news for me yet? Im outta the loop. Ok, gotta go, Im using someone elses comp and he is forced to sit on the floor. Poor guy, its not even a clean floor. Oh well, til then...

An apology...

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Just so you know, this blog is being written by a very regretful and sullen person. My name is Donia. Most of you may only know me as 'that other girl pictured with Leah' in most of her albums. I'll cut right to the point. Instead of reading a well thought out and rather witty blog by a one, Ms. Leah Dub, by a series of bad computer choices made by myself this morning, you are stuck reading a whole hearted, yet bordering on pathetic blog by me. Leah did in fact begin a blog this morning, 4 paragraphs of it completed. Yet due to my lack of attention and irresponsibility, that blog no longer exists. Leah took a break from her blogging to take a long overdue, much needed shower when just before entering the bathroom, she turned around towards me, took a deep breath and an overdramatic pause and said "I'm talking a shower. I started my blog, so DON'T shut the computer down." I thought perhaps she was taking me for a capricious, harebrained nitwit (yes nitwit...it'll catch on). I'm not stupid enough to do that. Well, as I began my morning full of overcreamed coffee and googling. I unfortunately, and as stated before, regretably used her "unfinished blog" window to further my research on Golden Garden's Park in Seattle. It took me 5 minutes and the silencing of the showerhead to realize the the window titled "myspace" no longer shown on my desktop. Leah's blog was no longer a work in progress. I do apologize (again) for any inconvenience this may have caused to your morning, er afternoon. Hopefully a new and improved blog by Ms. Leah Dub will be coming soon. Please forgive my idiotness. ...and for a small sneak peak of the blog to come. Let's just say I'm not the only idiot in the house Now carry on... Sincerely, A very, very sorry Donia Lee...

Maybe if it's about nothing its about something...

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I have gotten the threatening emails. Ive received the dead animal carcasses in the mail. Ive beefed up on my apartment's security. They want another blog, and they wont let me rest until they get one. ("They" refers to my mom, as well as a random person or two from home who has a day job with a computer and gets bored at lunch and cant access porn, therefore needing my blog to entertain them.) So, here it is folks, nothing to say, nothing to report, nothing special. Just empty words on an empty page from an empty being (hahaha that last part was a joke. A dark and depressing joke).
Im here at my "job", a word I use loosely because we are still waiting for a contact from the Gov't, the state, the county, and weve been waitin a while. Someday I will be able to tell you how exciting and fulfilling this position is; until then, Ill only be able to report further on my non-happenings of everyday life, and, of course, celebrity gossip.
You know how I said that getting coffee in Seattle is equivalent to the costliness of having to remortgage your home to pay for a long stay in the hospital after a tragic accident? Well, yesterday the Lord above (and if not him, the Lord of Espresso) answered my financial prayers and accidently made the "barista" (definiton: one who makes fancy coffee for snotty people) mess up on my order! He called out my drink and I apologetically informed him that that was not what I ordered. That I, unlike anyone he'd ever met in his life, had ordered a plain iced coffee, black, with only a hint of flavoring. He was truly confused, but very understanding. He pulled the mess-up off the counter and made me the correct beverage. Then, the miracle: he asked "Hey, do you want the mess-up? You can offer it, or throw it, at a homeless person". Ignoring the insensitive (and hil-arious) homeless guy comment, I said "Yeah, sure" trying desperately not to show my sheer excitement! So, I waltzed (as, you know, I can now do) out of there with a coffee in each hand and a big grin on my face. Then I quickly wiped the grin off; you get ejected from the building for being too happy in a Seattle Starbucks...
Made banana bread last night. Youre all missing it...
I am so very interested in American Idol, really I am, but its too long of a process now. Does anyone else feel like weve been watching since last Fall and just finally coming to the ever-popular Top 24? I had to skip out on it last night, only flipping occasionally back, because Im really into Biggest Loser. I feel like Ill miss too much if I dont watch it, and A.I. will be around for a loooonnnggg time, if it keeps going the way it has been. I saw a couple male performances, but its not really great til theres less people and we know a little more about each one. (Who am I kidding, its not great until one of the voted off girls has a sex tape on the net the next morning and one of the voted off guys has a possession or domestic violence charge against him the following week.) Thats what Im talkin 'bout!
Donia's fam was here last week and what a time we had! Saw lots of Seattle, but not like you'd think. Space Needle? No. Underground city tour? Nope. Karaoke bars? Yes Yes Yes!!! We had so much fun! Wednesday we went to a karaoke bar called "Ozzies". Fun place, but it was dead. Also, the karaoke "DJ" was a whore off the street, which was weird. No, seriously, she had a tight little black mini number on, spike heels, and those nylons with the line up the back, to make her look more sexy/slutty. Her hair was long and straggly past her butt, and seeing as Im the only one who actually saw her face, I can say it was kinda like one of the witches from the Wizard of Oz. Sorry, no, im mistaken, only the witches from the East or West, not Glenda. Anyway, we had a great meal, her dad sang a couple songs and we left. Fast forward to Friday (well get back to V-day), we try out karaoke at Sunset Bowl. Thats right, Bowl, as in Bowling alley, Bowlarama, Bowl til you drop, Bowl yourself into the trailor park. That bar was far too small and cramped, so we all had a drink and decided to stick with an ole fav...ok, a fav wed just found 48 hours earlier. It was back to Ozzies! There, we walked into a bar that apparently had quite a tragedy happen right before our arrival. I am referring to the frat and sorority houses that must have thrown up in there. Or, they may have all burned down, forcing their refugees to seek solace in a bar called Ozzies. Either way, at least we were the right age to be there. It was loud, rowdy, full of fun, and just the place we were seeking. Donia's dad was awesome and sang a couple songs. At one point he asked me what he should sing, and I had to throw out the oldie but goodie "Sweet Caroline". Having gone to college myself not too far back, I know that when youve got a room full of drunk twenty-somethings, that song gets the party started (sorry P!nk). And sure enough, my prediction was right. People were singing, dancing, screaming in delight. Go Donn! Another cool thing that I envy is the networking her brother and his friend were able to do while having a cigarette with a huge scray bouncer named "Dana" on Wednesday night. They bonded because they were all from New England. Well, wouldntcha know...Dana saw us in the long ass line Friday night and let us cut everyone! They gave daps to each other and we were in. Needless to say, the line was not happy with us...Leave it to Gino and Mike to have "connections" in Seattle after 3 days. But we all looked damn cool going in VIP...
Needless to say, the next day was rough. 6 hungover people. 2 chihuahuas. One apartment. No good. So, we ventured out for a bit to Pike Place Market, then it was a quiet night in for everyone. The next day, we put them in a 1986 beige Dodge Caravan and sent them off to the airport. It takes a lot out of you to entertain guests for a whole week. Gladly, we spent all of Sunday reading the paper, getting donuts for breakfast (yum!) and sleeping off the pure exhaustion of our week's fun.
Thursday was V-Day, and even though everyone said they could fend for themselves if we wanted to go out, we decided to stay in and spend it with them. It was a night of poker where, of course, I won. We had chocolates at my work, and there was an exchanging of cards, so it was celebrated just as I believe it should be...low-key and cheap:)
Monday was the first 3 day weekend I think Ive ever had! It was great! Another well-deserved lazy day of eating sushi (rather, she ate sushi; I ate cooked foods such as chicken and rice) and taking a walk to a famous park here in Seattle, Gasworks park. It was really pretty, you could see the water. There were all sorts of people out, with their loved ones, their dogs, their kids. Very relaxing. One thing that kept me uneasy and on my toes, though, was that we were in the neighborhood of the one and only DAVE MATTHEWS! Yes, thats right, Ive seen him 16 times in concert and have loved him for 10 years and then the one place we decide to randomly move to is the new home of Dave and his family! I couldnt believe it when I heard it. Now, I havent found his house yet, but trust me Ive looked it up. I know the neighborhood and general vicinity its in, but not exactly where yet. I kinda heard and read and assumed for myself that no one around here stalks him like they do one Miss Britney Spears, so if I did see him I didnt want to be one of "those girls", but, for the love of God its Dave! Ive concluded I should not do any sort of searching for him and just let him be. What would I say, anyway, without looking stupid and typical? "I love you and your music". "You are amazing" "Ive paid you lots of money over the years with my purchases of concert tickets". "Ill babysit your kids if you need". "Ill walk your dog even though I hate bulldogs". "It kinda sounds like you say my name in Crush, but you dont, but I like to pretend you do". I think its safest for all parties for me to just act like I dont know hes here. Its depressing, and hard to resist stalking him, but its safest. You never know though:
"Girl Attacks Peaceful Rocker in Coffee Shop" ...news at 11
What do you get when you cross a bored worker with a computer and too much time?
A blog

"They tried to make me go to th' Grammy's...

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

...I said NO NO NO!"
Instead, miss Winehouse opted to perform via satellite. Bravo. More on this later...
So, as some of you may know, Im a huge fan of Awards shows; especially the Grammys. When I was young and did something wrong, my punishment would be to not allow me to watch awards shows! It was worse than Death! I remember being banished from the Grammys one year at age 7 or 8 and being able to hear MC Hammer perform from my bedroom and thinking how unfair and devastating it was to be punished! At that moment I studied when the shows would be on, and like kids around Christmas time, behave myself the week prior to ensure my viewing pleasure.
Last night I was so excited to watch the show. My favorite, of course, has always been the performances. To my delight, in recent years they have really started making that the focus of the show. They give out like 6 awards live, and the rest (110 as someone noted on the show last night) in an earlier ceremony. Thank God. Still, the show ran a bit long for me last night. Almost 4 hours, with the last half hour being a blur, whether it was because it was just God-awfully boring, or because I had been drinking since the pre-show (there wasnt actually a televised pre-show that I saw, just one I created at the apartment entailing me, Donia, the dogs, and some vodka and coke with leftover Chinese. Good turnout, though). Either way, After Amy W, it was downhill. I decided today that Id write a review of the show and give you my "Highs" and "Lows" of the evening. From fashion to performances to a few quality quotes I was delighted with. If you saw the show, follow along. If not, you can decide whether to even play it back on your DVR or just erase it and save the space...
Lets start with the "Highs". Of course, if you'd rather start with the "Lows", just scroll down and read that first. This is really an interactive blog today...
Here goes...
Highs
Carrie Underwood: Got love American Idol stardom, and you gotta love more how fantastic that set was for that song. She changed it up a bit (cuz shes prob dead tired of singing it) and, um hellllo! Those boots!! Fantastic, I want a pair, but only if they come with the legs that were in them so I can attach them to myself.
Beatles: Lifetime Achievement, of course. What a cool way to see it though, through Cirque Du Soleil. One of the best parts. P.S. How jacked was that woman on the ropes!!!???
Cindi Lauper and Miley Cyrus presenting song of the year, or whatever it was: Heres a high and a low in one. Cindi "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" Lauper is still badd-ass, hands down. The hair, the dress falling off the shoulder, it could only be topped if shed come out with the half-shaved-head 'do from her early 80's vids. She's got a girl crush on Amy Winehouse, and she was so biased when reading that she was the winner. Loved it. Hated: Miley "My teeth are bigger than my dads music career" Cyrus. I cant stand the mouth, the eyes, the goth whore theyve turned her into in 6 short months. My Achy Breaky Eyes need a rest...
Though banished to the outdoors, how cute and funny was Jason Bateman?! What a shit job he got, having to announce the Grammy winner for "best person playing a stringed instrument that no one had ever heard of or cared about". He made that segment worthwhile, though, with his witty one-liners, which didnt seem to be scripted. Congrats to the violin player, who won by default because the voters decided shes the only one theyd actually consider sleeping with...
And good for her being able to play 1 of 100 instruments behind the Foo Fighters. They make me miss Kurt...
Ringo Starr: High because I think he was just that, HIGH! Where were all the other Beatles? Actual quote from Donia, who spoke too quickly, "Where's John?" "Dead". "Oh, yeah, I meant Paul". Ouch. You gotta love that he went straight up there in front of the guy that actually WON the award and said "Thank you, Im Ringo Starr". Weird cat.
Cher is on this list because she looks like she did when I first saw her at age 6. No, like seriously. Exactly the same. Gay men everywhere were in tears when she stepped out onto that stage. Shell play 200 shows in the next three years in Vegas. Can you say Las Gaygas?
Alicia Keys: Her second performance of the night. The one where she is with John Mayer, who was not spotlighted enough, might I add. She sounded good, unlike at the Super Bowl 2 weeks ago where she wore a wretched outfit, danced like a junior high schooler, and lipped the whole song. John should have had a vocal solo. Highlight of this, as well as highlight of the fashion night for me, was those black leather tights she wore under her dress! Are you kidding me!!?? I neeed those tights! Those tights are hot! Ill need a sparkly dress, too, but the tights must be mine! Be on the lookout...
Vince Gill: Now you know Im not into country at all. As a matter of fact, as they were playing excerpts from each nominees' songs, I had my eyes closed, and thought they were just playing a Garth Brooks album beginning to end. Its all the same to me. (and yes, ma, rap's all the same to you). So Gill wins it and goes onstage to Ringo Starr and accepts his award. He says "Wow, I cant believe I just got an award from a Beatle. Kanye, I bet you cant say youve ever had that..." HAHA! A hillbilly twang country bumpkin singer takin a dig at Kanye. It was brilliant. Notice, though, that it was immediatley followed up by an "Im just kidding" from Vince. He didnt want to be the next victim of a rap-game drive-by...but Go Gill!
Will.I.Am performed at the end of the show with a mini montage of great Grammy songs thru the years. It was really great, but way too short. They should have done more with it.
Beyonce came out, and normally Im not a B fan. Shes too much for me, too over the top. Thats why the choice for her to sing "Proud Mary" with the one and only Tina Turner was perfect. She didnt compare to Tina in the least bit, but she worked what she could out of it. Tina "Im a bad-ass motha" Turner should be buried in that outfit, hands down. Who wears that ever, nevermind in their 60's? Shes fab. Only she can do it. I was also ok with seeing B's hair short and blonde, best hair shes had in a while. And thank the Lord above, B was not dressed like a drag queen. Finally...
RiRi, as shes referred to, is none other than Rihanna, who I have been addicted to as of late. Shes such a cool performer to watch, and I love her edgy look. Her songs, eh; after Umbrella I was mildly disappointed with the rest, but I always give her a fair shot. Everytime I see her on TV I just love her, but this performance she did with TIME (who?) was just bad. Changed up the song a bit, fine, but the dress!!!??? Wheres the bondage girl outfits shes so famous for? No leather straps or belts or boots, just a frilly bird of a thing she wrapped around herself at the last minute! Dis-appointed to say the least. And her hair...bleh! Awful! Give me the angled bob, RIRI! This was a big low, but its in the highs because she did win an award and her acceptance speech, accompanied by Jay-Z, was playful and cute. Think miss Beyonce ever gets jealous...hmmm, cat fight?
Because Amy Winehouse couldnt make it there live, she couldnt be my number one, but she did make it to Top 2. Her performance was so much more than I expected. No crack, no gross ballet slippers, no blonde disaster of a hairdo. Just the good ole (yet a bit skinnier) Amy that we know and love. The beehive, the tats, the eyeliner back to the ears. Love love love her. She threw her husbands name into her songs a couple times. She said "For my Blake incarcerated" in her acceptance speech. Well, thats one way to put it, stand by your man I guess. She surprised me with her bouncing around and mini dance steps. And the best win of the night is when they announced that shed won record of the year. She froze, and then cuddled herself into the arms of one of her large black backup singers. Adorable. She couldnt have been cuter if she was a box of kittens. She actually seemed grateful and surprised. Stay off the crank, Amy, we love ya...
I saved my fav for last. Kanye F'in West. I just love him. I hate that hes so cocky, but I cant help but indulge myself in some Mr. West. The glow-in-the-dark jacket! I was glowing myself! Hes so great, so different, does so many things weve never seen before (though Eminem did once perform with a light up hoodie. We cant forget that.) The performance was my 1 because he didnt have a bunch of his "homies" onstage with him, he rapped the whole thing, he was so intense, he danced the whole time, and of course, the Mama part at the end. We almost cried. He let himself and who he was actually go for a moment and just sang to his mama, may she rest in peace. He almost cried too, and that makes for an excellent performance in my book.
Lows
Ill try to make this as simple as possible because I dont want it turning this blog into a low. Let me just say without the lows, I wouldnt have had time to make drinks or pee, so thank you, Grammys.
The opening number: We all love Frank, yes, but with Alicia Keys? Just didnt mesh for me. Old blue eyes just isnt the same from beyond the grave.
Who the hell is TIME, and why do they suck so bad? Did anyone tell that man that velour track pants and a paisley jacket is a no-no? Apparently not.
RiRi: Just wanted to say again how much I hated the hair. It was the same style as Prince's for God's sake!! Ok, Im done. Swear.
Speaking of...Prince=Gross. He thinks hes such a lady's man, when what he is is such a lady. Period.
The Band? Huh? Ohhhh, I see. Good time to pee.
Fergilicious bleh. No. Just no. Stop singing. Stop the facial plastic surgeries. Stop thinking youre good without the Black-Eyed Peas. Enough already. Just cuz you used to be all cranked out on Meth and now youre not doesnt mean you can just step on the stage and wail like a dying giraffe. Leave. And...John Legend! You should be ashamed of yourself! Promoting her as a good singer! Your punishmnet is to only be able to sell your new CD at Target. Oh, theyre already doing that. Oh, ok, i see. Ill think of a new punishment for you!! Disastrous!
Times I napped briefly:
Brad Paisley's performance. Aretha "biggest boobs on a human ever" Franklin's performance. The dueling pianos' performance. (Woke up halfway thru that one, actually, and had Donia knock me over the head so I could miss the rest).
Times I got up and made drinks/did shots to ease the pain:
Feist's performance (sorry Donia). Kid Rock and old lady Jane or whatever the hell her name was. Go back into retirement, or should I say the retirement home. Burt/Burk/Berth(?) Backarat.
Times I was able to take a pee break, often just hanging out in the bathroom because it was more interesting than the performer:
Anything to do with country. The piano guy who was 8 and is now 16 and back again and blah blah blah. Anything to do with a piano. Groban and his blind opera singing friend (sorry ma). Jerry Lee Whois? and his posse of oldies...its like the elderly bus let off at the wrong stop and just let everyone onstage.
******************************************************
Quotes of the night:
"...And lazy in the chair over there, playing the chelo..."
~Jason Bateman making fun of the seated third contestant in the Grammy contest.
"...It would be in good taste to turn the music off now..."
~Kanye West, after taking too much time onstage and being drowned out by backround "wrap it up" music, while talking about his dead mama.
"My Blake Incarcerated"
~Amy W.
"Ill do whatever you want"
~ Old lady to Kid Rock, about what they should do onstage. (dont say that, lady!)
*******************************************************
The thing that made me laugh the most, in my sleepy drunken stupor, was Herbie Hancock winning album of the year. What?!! Know what I thought when he was named as a nominee? "Who the fuck is that?" and "That old guys never gonna win!" Oops, spoke too soon. Hes so old and decrepit that he was reaching for his speech, it fell out of his pocket to the floor, he didnt even know, and kept reaching for it! Stop making music! Go home! Pull the plug already!
I wasnt the only one appalled/surprised by his win. I heard Kanye gave up rap altogether and is now an ordained minister, the foo fighters killed themselves to joined Kurt, Vince Gill actually started a gang fight to be out out of his misery, and Amy Winehouse took a hit of her crackpipe. There goes rehab...NO NO NO!

The Wino Has Crept Into My Dreams

Friday, February 08, 2008

...from London! No, Amy Winehouse will not be making it to the States this weekend to serenade us with one of her songs (booo!), but she will be performing from the comforts of her rehab facility via satellite. We all win in the end. So last night I had a dream that I was attending a family function/party/soiree and Amy was there and at first she was cool but then she got all fucked up on something and started trying to take her clothes off! I was like "Winehouse, NO!" She was quickly escorted from the back yard. Maybe its cuz I ate chocolate too late last night, I dont know. My mom used to say if I had pizza before bed Id have nightmares. To this day I wont eat that garbage after 5 pm, but lots'a good thats doin me, huh? My head at night would scare children and even some feeble-minded adults away...
I am hideous without makeup! (No, not an invitation for compliments. Truth). You see, I like to sleep. Therefore, in the AM, I will lie in bed forever and pretend Ill have enough time to get ready even if I snooze once more. EHHHHH!! (thats supposed to sound like a buzzer). Wrong answer! So, then you run into "What step can I skip today to make it to work on time". You have to do the following things at home: shower, make your lunch, get dressed. Now, some things you could consider doing at work are: brushing teeth, drying hair, putting on makeup. Of these, I think that if I were to waltz in (I actually took lessons and now WALTZ in to places) with my hairdryer and tooth brush, they may send me upstairs to the live-in facility they have for ex-addicts. No thanks. So, alas, we come to the makeup. I can inconspicuously do this at my desk. No harm, no foul. But I get to work today and my colleague says "Lets go get coffee". Of course. Now Ive gotta take the walk and talk to her and the Starbucks people and the homeless men on the street makeupless! I cant be that girl whos like, "Sure Ill get coffee, one minute, just gotta look like Im full of myself and apply thick coats of mascara because Im quite homely without it". So I go. I feel vulnerable and uncomfortable, but I go.
HAHA, as Im writing this I realize I have come back from coffee, gotten sidetracked by MySpace, and still forgotten to put my makeup on! I just did it...live from my blog...
So my boss and I were MySpacing possible new employees the other day. Haha, funny, laughing, giggling, searching, and then it hit me: Did she MySpace me!!!???? If so, its kinda ok cuz my profile is private, but its kinda NOT ok cuz my name is Pill Poppin Hussy!!! It may be just me, but it may slightly send the wrong message, no? I know Im not one, you guys know (hey!!!) Im not one, but she doesnt. Moral of the story, keep it clean or keep it private, kids. And, if your name is something like PPH and they still hire you, show up the first day with the goods. They obviously brought you onboard to not only do your job, but deal drugs around the office as well. Two birds I guess...
LOST=GOOD. I find myself looking forward to it all week, reading message boards online, talking to coworkers about it, getting all cozy on thursday at 9 and then I realize that at the end of each episode Im just gonna say the same thing Ive been saying since last season. "WTF!?" I just dont get it. Im not supposed to, and if I did it'd be boring, but Im so...LOST! (haha, sorry, bad play on words, but its what we all are). Seriously, the guys who made this show are amazing! Where is it going? What does it mean? If the end to this show in 2010 is crappy in any way, I seriously fear for the lives of the writers and producers. Its gotta be something big!! Never heard of !! Believeable!! Or else, the crew deserve to die
T-minus 4 days and counting til our first ever Seattle visitors arrive! You know what this means...ok, maybe you dont...it means we have to clean clean clean this weekend! Why is it that kids always have to turn their lives upside down when their parents come by. Scrub the floors. Wipe the TV dust. Hide the bong. Stuff the porn in the closet. Blah blah blah. Maybe its cuz if our parents saw how we really lived, they actually wouldnt love us anymore. "Honey, I know I said Ill always love you, no matter what, but...Forest Hump? Booty and the Beast? I just cant. Goodbye, and good luck" Mommy no!!! Ok, so theres no porn to hide, and theres no bong while were at it. Not this time. Heehee, confession of the day: there was always a bong. How many times I had to run into my apartment and dive to grab it and run in the other room when certain visitors who gave me their DNA came over. One time I was just too dumb (or a stoner?) to realize that I actually left a bag of pot on the computer stand, and then asked my dad to come over and fix the computer! Yeah, he found it right away. He and Nancy had a "talk" with me. Intervention: done.
**side note: Im drug free and proud. No, seriously. Stop laughing! Swear to God!**
Alright, now that Ive shared, and shared too much I might add, Ill sign off and go back to work. I guess this is what DJ meant when he said I should get paid to blog...

Just w-o-w.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Well, my Superbowl experience this year was much different than the last Steelers one I lazily fell asleep during. Hm, what to say, what to say. Since most of my family is in New England, I have to keep it slightly non-vicious and non-"haha" and non-"Brady better stick to modeling" because I dont want anyone too upset at me...It was a fantastic game. I was almost out due to a beer induced coma, when suddenly things got interesting around 3rd quarter for me. I sat up, swigged some Bud Light, had a hot wing, and mustered up all the energy inside me to send to baby Eli via ESP (I told you about Donia's uncle, sorry all). Now Im not ata ll taking credit for his win, but boy was it tense in our apartment. Donia was yelling...like a man...it was quite amusing actually. Every time she did, the dogs would jump and think they were getting in trouble. Nash spent the entire game on edge, and not for the same reason we all did! That ending was incredible, though, wasnt it (okokok, sorry. Stop crying, Im trying to be sensitive). I can tell you I didnt think it would go down that way. I was certain the Giants would lose. I was so against watching the whole thing just because og my sad loss a few weeks ago, but Im glad I did see it. The fact that they won kind of makes the GB loss less harsh. It wasnt all for nothing, they didnt lose just so the Giants could go and tget their asses handed to em. You had to be happy for Eli. Wonder what that family looks like at holidays. Feel bad for the third child who "doesnt have a superbowl ring". Poor sap. You definitely had to feel sooo sooo sad for Brady and Bellicheck, too. He looked awful. One chance and that was it. Ok, yeah, that was harsh. Im done now...
The snacks were my fav. Delicious food as always from lil miss homemaker, Donia.
So her father, brother, brothers friend, and on the weekend another of his friends, are all coming to stay with us the 12th thru 17th. Can you say Choas! Fun chaos Im sure though. We have work all week, so theyll be left with Nash and Gus to guide them on where to go in Seattle. Except theyll be doing that from the comfort of the couch seeing as they arent really huge fans of the city. Itll be nice to have some extra people around to have fun with and talk to. Well give our own little guided tour of Seattle as we know it (dont expect much more than bars and the occasional sushi joint). I HOPE SOMEONE I KNOW CAN VISIT SOON! Hint hint...
Its been a while since Ive written because of the new job. We are having fun. Im so glad I got into this field again. I dont miss the restaurant at all. The hours, the boredom, the bullshit. This is another story all together. I hope all goes well over the next couple months and I do well.
LOST. Am-azing. I am so excited about this season. Season 2 was ok, season 3 bored me a bit, but this one is off to a great start. Ive been online all weekend looking at LOST message boards, as well as secret websites they just made to give you clues to this season. Ive resisted reading "spoilers", which has been really hard for me. I have no patience. Im gonna hold out though and be just as amazed and surprised as the rest of the world as things unfold. If you havent seen LOST and have some time, watch Seasons 1-3 online, and catch up to us!! Its fantastic.
Nothing else to report right now. YOu can give up on reading if you want, I feel bad. Im a pretty boring human being right now.
Stay tuned next week for a special 'Three Men and a Little Lady Valentine Spectacular"...