The Wino Has Crept Into My Dreams

Friday, February 08, 2008

...from London! No, Amy Winehouse will not be making it to the States this weekend to serenade us with one of her songs (booo!), but she will be performing from the comforts of her rehab facility via satellite. We all win in the end. So last night I had a dream that I was attending a family function/party/soiree and Amy was there and at first she was cool but then she got all fucked up on something and started trying to take her clothes off! I was like "Winehouse, NO!" She was quickly escorted from the back yard. Maybe its cuz I ate chocolate too late last night, I dont know. My mom used to say if I had pizza before bed Id have nightmares. To this day I wont eat that garbage after 5 pm, but lots'a good thats doin me, huh? My head at night would scare children and even some feeble-minded adults away...
I am hideous without makeup! (No, not an invitation for compliments. Truth). You see, I like to sleep. Therefore, in the AM, I will lie in bed forever and pretend Ill have enough time to get ready even if I snooze once more. EHHHHH!! (thats supposed to sound like a buzzer). Wrong answer! So, then you run into "What step can I skip today to make it to work on time". You have to do the following things at home: shower, make your lunch, get dressed. Now, some things you could consider doing at work are: brushing teeth, drying hair, putting on makeup. Of these, I think that if I were to waltz in (I actually took lessons and now WALTZ in to places) with my hairdryer and tooth brush, they may send me upstairs to the live-in facility they have for ex-addicts. No thanks. So, alas, we come to the makeup. I can inconspicuously do this at my desk. No harm, no foul. But I get to work today and my colleague says "Lets go get coffee". Of course. Now Ive gotta take the walk and talk to her and the Starbucks people and the homeless men on the street makeupless! I cant be that girl whos like, "Sure Ill get coffee, one minute, just gotta look like Im full of myself and apply thick coats of mascara because Im quite homely without it". So I go. I feel vulnerable and uncomfortable, but I go.
HAHA, as Im writing this I realize I have come back from coffee, gotten sidetracked by MySpace, and still forgotten to put my makeup on! I just did it...live from my blog...
So my boss and I were MySpacing possible new employees the other day. Haha, funny, laughing, giggling, searching, and then it hit me: Did she MySpace me!!!???? If so, its kinda ok cuz my profile is private, but its kinda NOT ok cuz my name is Pill Poppin Hussy!!! It may be just me, but it may slightly send the wrong message, no? I know Im not one, you guys know (hey!!!) Im not one, but she doesnt. Moral of the story, keep it clean or keep it private, kids. And, if your name is something like PPH and they still hire you, show up the first day with the goods. They obviously brought you onboard to not only do your job, but deal drugs around the office as well. Two birds I guess...
LOST=GOOD. I find myself looking forward to it all week, reading message boards online, talking to coworkers about it, getting all cozy on thursday at 9 and then I realize that at the end of each episode Im just gonna say the same thing Ive been saying since last season. "WTF!?" I just dont get it. Im not supposed to, and if I did it'd be boring, but Im so...LOST! (haha, sorry, bad play on words, but its what we all are). Seriously, the guys who made this show are amazing! Where is it going? What does it mean? If the end to this show in 2010 is crappy in any way, I seriously fear for the lives of the writers and producers. Its gotta be something big!! Never heard of !! Believeable!! Or else, the crew deserve to die
T-minus 4 days and counting til our first ever Seattle visitors arrive! You know what this means...ok, maybe you dont...it means we have to clean clean clean this weekend! Why is it that kids always have to turn their lives upside down when their parents come by. Scrub the floors. Wipe the TV dust. Hide the bong. Stuff the porn in the closet. Blah blah blah. Maybe its cuz if our parents saw how we really lived, they actually wouldnt love us anymore. "Honey, I know I said Ill always love you, no matter what, but...Forest Hump? Booty and the Beast? I just cant. Goodbye, and good luck" Mommy no!!! Ok, so theres no porn to hide, and theres no bong while were at it. Not this time. Heehee, confession of the day: there was always a bong. How many times I had to run into my apartment and dive to grab it and run in the other room when certain visitors who gave me their DNA came over. One time I was just too dumb (or a stoner?) to realize that I actually left a bag of pot on the computer stand, and then asked my dad to come over and fix the computer! Yeah, he found it right away. He and Nancy had a "talk" with me. Intervention: done.
**side note: Im drug free and proud. No, seriously. Stop laughing! Swear to God!**
Alright, now that Ive shared, and shared too much I might add, Ill sign off and go back to work. I guess this is what DJ meant when he said I should get paid to blog...