Word Nerd

Thursday, February 28, 2008

If anyone watched A.I. Tues. night, you know what the title of this blog is referring to. If not, long story short, one of the contestants loves crossword puzzles and search-a-words--said he had an "obsession", and he called himself a word nerd. I, too, would like to step up and say "Hey! Im not embarassed (ok maybe I am) to say Im a word nerd, too!" As we speak, (as I type, you read) I have a Variety Puzzle book sitting on my desk. It is almost finished and it is 2 weeks old. I loveveveveveveveveveve puzzles and do them absolutely every night. In college I went thru this jigsaw puzzle stage where Id buy em, do em, then glue em and hang em. Tacky (no pun intended), but utterly satisfying to look up while youre peeing and see that gorgeous creation looking back at you. Jigsaws take lots of space, though, which I dont find I have much of these days. Some day maybe Ill have a jigsaw room, where my friends and I willl laughhh and puzzle! hahahaha-youre soooo right. Ill probably have no friends and puzzle alone :( As a child my Nana introduced me to fill ins, which are cooler than crosswords and dont require knowing answers to questions like "Actor Alda?" in order to fill in the grid (update: I now know its Alan). Those were my first and remain my favorite types of puzzles. The circle-a-word seemed to be DJs favorite, but I secretly knew mine were harder to do and for smarter kids (hahahahajkjkjk). No really.

Now I find myself puzzling day and night. I already want to purchase a new book, I hate when Ive run out and have no backups in the house. Its like running out of crack, for a crackhead of course. Doing them online is just not the same. Takes me longer to type the stupid words, and I like to doodle while I puzzle, too. (God, I already sound like a lady with too many cats!) I dont care if anyone wants to judge---go ahead!!! Laugh! Poke fun! When you all come down with Alzheimer's in 50 years, and Im as sharp as a tack, youll be sorry! (Except, well, you probably wont. Youll have Alzheimers. You wont recall you ever did it (aww, sad for you)).

I was thinking that I guess this, along with my love for reading writing and arithmetic, makes me a "nerd" (case in point: I recently was introduced to the website math.com and was way more ecstatic to do random math problems for no reason than I should have been.) I like it. Id take nerd over some other things, like "hobo" or "leper". It brought me to think about all the different types of people there are and why I am not one of them instead:

Redneck: Yes, I grew up in Coventucky (thanks Nina), RI, so one could say Im bordering on this, but I like to fight that point with this one--I have never, nor would I ever, date someone in my immediate family. Or step-family. Thats quite a feat for a redneck. They dont like to branch out, I believe its because their old beat up pick-up trucks probably wouldnt make it to the next county--hell, next neighborhood, in order for them to meet other singles. Stick to the farm [animals]. Also, I dont ever have a blade of grass hanging from my mouth, I dont wear plaid, and I cant milk a cow or spit watermelon seeds really far. Top reason, though: I hate country music. Period.

Gangsta: So Ive been known to run my mouth, while drunk, with the best of em, but never have I been seriously considered "gangsta". I think Im tough, but I know Im not, and this has been the main reason I was never initiated in to a gang. Also, I never found one that suited me. I hate blue, red clashes with my hair, and Im not "Latin" enough, Ive been told. Im still looking for the perfect gang that wears pink and loves dancing to Britney Spears hits. Oh well. Its probably better off, Ill be safer "unaffiliated", but I am disappointed I cant be gangsta for the comfortable fashion. When everyhting is 8 sizes too big, you never feel self-conscious about your body!!!

Preppie: The Gap makes me nervous. I cant see wearing the same shirt every day but in 10 different Earth tones. Its too plain for me, too blah. Argyle sweaters look itchy. Polo shirts with collars popped were cool circa 2004 as and Applebees employee uniform, but I just cant bring myself to do it anymore. I dont feel I fit the part (and dont even get me started on khakis). Too distinguished, too proper, and not colorful enough. Plus, I have too much of a potty mouth for that fashion.

Hippie: I am as far from hippie as Posh Spice or Eminem. I dont hug trees, I dont make my own clothes, dont smoke weed, and definitely dont like The Dead. I eat meat, which i have tried to give up and cant, plus veganism is just wayyyy too much work! I love the Earth, but not like those crazy in love with the Earth peeps. I need to wash my hair, I need to shave my armpits, and I cant run around in flowy chiffon skirts all the time, what shoes would I wear? Oh yeah, none. Not happenin.

Jock: Main reason--I cant dribble a basketball. I cried the first time I was taken to a public court and tried to be taught to do a layup. No, literally. Not just whined about it, like broke down in tears. Ive always wanted to be sporty, but the closest I ever come is going to the gym, which, thank God, im pretty successful at. As for real sports, I was the kid with the asthma that had to sit out after 10 minutes of rigorous play. The closest I come these days is billiards and poker. Those are sports, right? (Just say yes and spare the freckled-red-head's-asthmatic-feelings).

Butch: I like my hair. I like my form-fitting clothes. And I like that Im actually a girl. Some people feel differently, but this is me. Plus, Im not a lezzie, which counts me out right there. Now dont tell any tough gay girls about this, Im scared. (You know, not being gansta and all...)

Yuppie Snob: I dont know anyone like this mainly because when I see them I go the other way. They think theyre better, drink their Starbucks, read their Wall Street journal cover to cover and turn me right off from wanting to associate with them. I like kind people who will flash you a smile, not throw big words at you til youre too confused to think. Maybe Im just not smart enough to fit in with them...or maybe its that I believe theres more to life than reading the dictionary and bragging about how great my boring job is.

Homeless: I feel for them, but this is why I stay off drugs and booze (ok fine, not the last one), keep working, and save my money. Now there are all sorts of reasons people become homeless, of course Im sensitive to that, but I just try to avoid anyhting that may even bring me close. Im a baby in the cold and like my privacy. And we all know what my hair looked like after 7 days without a shower!

Club Kid: Too flashy and drugged up. I dont have the money for it really. I like to remember my weekends, for the most part, and I dont wanna have to live in an 8 bedroom house with 12 roommates if I dont have to, just to support my habit. The act of sucking on a pacifier while wearing sequins and sparkles and dancing like a loony has never been my cup of tea. Or cup of water-to-keep-my-dehydrated-ecstasy-ridden-body-going.

Valley Girl: My voice is too low. I dont have the funding from my "daddy". And I certainly am not wearing short plaid skirts with color-coordinated sweater sets. I dont want people looking at me like my IQ borders on mildly retarded if Im not. And I dont want my 1 priority to be at what age I should get my first job---by that i mean boob job, nose job, and lypo job.

So I guess Ill stick to me. Mean sometimes, sweet sometimes, terribly sarcastic, super geek, but always aiming to please.

(Blehhhhh...I just threw up on myself! Who wrote that last line! She should be beaten and left for dead! Stupid wussy girl.)

**********Special Baby Announcement**************

Welcome to the world, Sadie Rae Willard! Born sometime yesterday, could have weighed 21 lbs and been 34" long for all I know. Keep me in the loop, people!!!! Cute kid though, and shes already on Myspace!!! Her About Me talks about how she likes being born and eating and dislikes being changed and everything else shes never learned yet. Her Who Id Like To Meet includes Jesus, Madonna, and Miley Cyrus.

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~If anyone was offended by any of the things I said Im sorry, I really am. It was not meant to be offensive in any way. Jst a little humor to brighten your day~

~oh yeah, and if you were offended, grow a set...~