Tuesday, May 20, 2008
 | Today's ramblings will include depressing topics, happy topics, controversial topics, and most importantly BITCHES IN STARBUCKS! Why is it that you feel the entitlement to go into Starbucks, buy your coffee and super-fattening muffin, and then plop your deliriously smug ass at a table that SEATS 6 when you are only a party of 1? Where in your brain does it say, "This is a good idea". I go in with a party of 3, meanwhile, and we are forced to practically sit on top of each other around a table the size of a half dollar. Well, you know me, always out to make someone feel bad about themselves---I make it a point to loudly say to my friend, "Come here, you can probably squeeze in at this little table with us". I was sure the woman was within earshot. Low and behold, who gets up 2 minutes later, packing her magazine and blackberry and the rest of her crap into her tote? Thats right, lady-who-needs-five-extra-seats-to-be-comfy. Now, I know what youre thinking, maybe it was the last table? Well, it wasnt, but even if it HAD BEEN, my God, sit at the end, out of the way, sending off a signal saying, "Im just tucked in this corner cuz its the last table. Join me at the table if you would like. I dont bite and I realize this whole table isnt for me. That would be SILLY!" Or, do what she did and take up the whole goddamn thing, leaving 3 grown women to cram themselves where they shouldnt have to cram, and giving them no choice but to try and publicly embarass you. I was peeing today (oh come on now, I have to!), and I look down and whats this? Theres nothing more depressing than seeing a notch you had to make in your belt cuz it was just too big when you got it, and realizing youd no longer be able to use that notch if you tried... Had another dream me, DJ, Olivia and my mom were kidnapped. Another one! So I was thinking that Id start a campaign..."Friends Dont Let Friends Continue To Live In RI". Seeing as Im living here for now, Id like to convince all my close friends to move out here to BEAUTIFUL SEATTLE! Where theres music, coffee, and happy hour! Sure its illegal to text while you drive, but texting kills anyway! I figure if I ask everyone, my return rate should be at least 3%. So 3 out of 100 people will move here. I have less than half that many people to ask. So at that rate, in 5 years, maybe one of you will at least visit... Wait, hold it right there...I am getting visitors! Bailey and Meghan will be out in August, as well as Diehl, and possibly a visit from Jess! Guess the Lord heard my prayers after all... A big debate going on around here lately has to do with cappucchino and pasties. No, I didnt say pastRies, I said p-a-s-t-i-e-s. As in, what strippers call "shirts". Yeah, so theres these coffee shops (really tiny, only drive-thrus actually) called (cleverly enough) Hot Chick-a-latte, and Cowgirls Coffee, among others. They hire hot girls to wear bikinis or, even sometimes, pasties, and serve coffee to people. *Im guessing men on their morning commutes.* Anyway, some woman was up in arms on the news saying its bad for children, blah blah blah. She is scheduling a protest...and a clothing drive! In a very diplomatic and mature manner, the scantily-clad bathing beauty stated on the news, "Sure, they can send all the clothing they want over here. Were going to donate it to our local charity..." HA! Bikinis-1, insecure soccer mom-0. My feeling? Yes, its not the best for kids. SO DONT TAKE YOUR KIDS THERE! If you are unaware of which establishments practice this and you need a caffeine fix while the tots are in the car, dont pull around and call the girl a "heathen" (true story). Simply ask your questions, grab your coffee, go home, and explain to the kids that adults do things that children cant do yet. My God, free speech, free expression. If the business owner thinks this will make money and the girls willingly participate, then mind your own beeswax and take your business elsewhere. I have a feeling this woman isnt concerned for the "poor innocent children". Your "poor innocnet children" can pull up porn on your computer anyday. Shes upset because when she doesnt know, her husband and his buddies are drinking more coffee than any human should and flirting with the nice baristas on work time. Insecurity's a bitch, bitch. You dont like it, get to the gym. Those girls did, and they earned what they have. Or you could just put out more and then maybe your husband wouldnt be so hopped up on the idea of a half naked girl burning her you-know-what on steaming espresso. Ok, I have to get Donia from work and as it is, oopsie, Im late! Talk amongst yourselves, and Id love to know your views on the coffee shop thing. What if it were coming to a Dunkin Donuts near you?! |
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