So you know how my gf is absolutely insane, right?
Actually, to say she is insane is to say she tries the same thing over and over and always expects a different result. This is kind of the opposite, as she needed to do something once, but didn't, and expected the problem to go away by itself, but THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN. So, this ensued.
Here is just a small example of the maniacal world Donia and I live in. Just a glimpse into our reality, one riddled with crazy thoughts, pointless problems, and booze. Lotsa booze.
Let me point out that though there is usually booze, she did this sober. ALL OF THIS CAME ABOUT SOBER. Especially the relentless complaining, which makes it harder to tune her out. She drives me to drink, I tell ya, and here is an example of why.
Donia is a pretty rational being, I would say, and she is very intelligent. She can debate the shit out of anything because she IS the devil's advocate. No, srsly, he actually, like, hired her and made her fill out a W-2 form and everything. She works for him and will argue any of the points he presents to her. Not a bad gig, 2nd job-wise.
She has this coworker who we will call "Mary", because honestly, every anonymous story has a Mary in it. Mary is overweight, which is fine, but her chair does not think so. Mary's chair squeaks and do you know how I know this? Because Donia has brought up the squeaky chair EVERY DAY FOR THE LAST 2 MONTHS. Not every other, not only business days, no. Every. day. Now I love my gf and I'm there for her and to listen and blah blah blah but really??!! Get over it, put your ipod in, do something to take your mind off the fact that you have never harmed a human but you want to SCRATCH MARY'S EYES OUT AND THROW HER ON THE FLOOR when she moves about and is sqeaking. And please, do it quick, cuz I can't be with you if she is going to be the topic of conversation over dinner dates EVERY TIME WE GO OUT.
So here is what my batshit crazy gf has done about this. She can't possibly tell Mary that she annoys the shit out of her because 1. she is too nice and 2. she has to work with her. She can't switch chairs because there are no extras, and besides, she is convinced nothing will stop the squeaking, it is the person-to-chair ratio working against her here. She can't move her desk because that would be too obvious, she says. "Hey yeah, no, love you to death, just can't stand to sit next to you anymore. No reason". To that I say fuck obvious, you need your sanity (and for the love of God, I need mine back as well).
About a month ago, I was in charge of doing the bi-monthly Walmart trip to grab all the toiletries and supplies we would need for the apt. On this list I see WD-40, and I immediately wonder what in the hell we need this for, and how does Donia know what this is? I know you would think she is the handy one, what with her baggy jeans and lack of femininity, but I'll tell you here and now that if it is broken, Leah fixes it. If it is too high to reach, Leah gets it down. And when something goes awry I work on instincts and experience, while she googles the hell out of "What to do when the microwave starts sparking and sets the kitchen on fire".
So I go to Walmart and I'm searching for this WD-40 that she insists she needs for reducing the noise the fan in the bathroom makes-- a loud rattling noise. Ah-ha, my assumptions were correct. SHE HAS NO IDEA WHAT TO USE THIS SHIT FOR. This particular rattling is not something that this product was made for, but that darling dear insists she needs it. "Just do it Leah. Remember all those hot pink towels you bought when I sent you for guest towels? Yeah, this is for that." Touche, my good sir, and good game.
I am all done at Walmart, I have gotten through the list in record time. I have coupons ready and I want to go, but what is left on this list? You got it, WD-40. I am going up and down the "man" aisles, as I like to call them, looking for this shit. And they are not "man aisles" because women can't use the things in these aisles, but because if you are seen in them in Walmart and you are not a man ALARMS GO OFF! They track you down, it's like they can smell your estrogen and within moments there is a man in a blue smock asking "Are you lost, little girl? Where is your husband/bf/brother/father/protector?" On this day, though, just my luck, my estrogen was non-existent apparently because NO ONE WAS AROUND. I searched every aisle, from camping to home improvement to automotive to paint. It was a crap shoot where this shit really was. I even mosied by the guns a few times just to look creepy so that someone would jump out and ask me "ARE YOU TRYING TO STEAL A WEAPON AND ROB US??" to which I would have replied "No, thank you for asking. But now that you are here..." and I'd use and abuse that toothless sales associate for all he was worth! I got nowhere, I started to give up, but I remembered all those times I came home with stupid shit that Donia detested, but let slide, and I knew I couldn't leave without this shit.
I looked another ten minutes, up and down the same aisles. I looked in the toy aisle hoping to find an empty plastic knock-off for little boys playing mechanic that I could bring back and then say "Oopsie, didn't know it was pretend", but I saw nothing. Finally, I heard a strange sound...angels singing?...trumpets sounding?...and there it was. WD-40 is kept between automotive and camping stuff ON THE TINIEST SHELF KNOWN TO MAN. It's in a corner by itself! There is no other product like it, its not tucked between the other greasy stuff and the oily stuff. No, it has its own zip code in Walmart, which is code for HAHAHA FUCK YOU THAT WAS A FUN GAME FOR US! Hide the WD-40 is awesome, let me tell you, and when I finally did grab a can I was tempted to go BACK to the guns and ammo and really let Walmart know how I feel. I'm sure all you need to have to get your hands on one of those rifles is a drivers license and some sort of knowledge of a Jeff Foxworthy redneck joke and you're in. Also, I have boobs, so knowing the men working back there, I'd have myself a whole arsenal AT A DISCOUNTED PRICE in no time.
I got home and put the WD-40 away, hoping that it has slipped Donia's mind that she needed it. It did not. That girl is an elephant, and I can say that because I am referring to her elephant brain that forgets nothing! She whips out the can that night and uses a screwdriver (oh shit!) to take off the cover to the bathroom fan. I am in the living room with 9-1-1 on speed dial as I am praying to God above that whatever comes of it, the disfigurement won't be that devastating. If she loses a limb in the explosion, please let it be her left arm, cuz the bitch is fast on the 10-key and that job is our livelihood.
It somehow (thank you, Jesus!) goes off without a hitch and she thinks she has fixed the fan. "Listen to that, Leah, silence! SILENCE!", until 3 hours later when she turns it on and it rumbles its harmonious rumble again. The girl is defeated. I assume she will throw the WD-40 that I ALMOST KILLED FOR in the trash, and that would be the end of "Donia: Miss Fixit."
Fast forward to last Thursday when her phone started going off in the living room and I needed to silence it. She was downstairs and I saw that her alarm was going off to alert her of a reminder she had set. We have no secrets, so I opened it to see what she needed to know at that moment. I figured if it said "call my other bitch" that she was already downstairs, and I would just deadbolt the door and be done with her for the night. Crackheads sleep under the building, so why can't she? At least, unlike them, she has body fat to keep her warm when the temp drops.
The alert said "WD-40" and I had horrifying thoughts of what this could mean. Did I have to go buy more because there was no way I was going throught that again. I had PTSD! Just the thought of going back to that battlefield would give me flashbacks like a Vietnam Vet. Then I thought, more worried, what does she need to grease up now?
Then it hit me. The whole past couple months flashed before my eyes and I realized what she was doing. She came upstairs to prove me right: when questioned, she indeed told me SHE WAS TAKING IT TO WORK. She methodically planned to have it on hand for the single opportunity to use it on Mary's chair! She WAITED for Mary to mention she was taking a day off, for a whole MONTH she waited, and now she was ready to jump in and grease the shit out of that chair! Part of me wanted to commit her for being so preoccupied and menacing about planning this crazy ruse, and the other part of me wanted to give her the pulitzer prize for brilliance. She said that Mary would be out the next day and she gets to work so early that no one would be in to walk to her area and smell the chemicals til they had already dispersed and ceased to smell anymore. This. girl. is. dangerous. I best watch my step as well as my back. If anything ever goes wrong and something happens to me: USE. FORENSICS.
Donia, indeed, got up the next morning, packed that shit in her bag, and went off to work. She, indeed, sprayed the shit out of that squeaky chair that was bringing her to a homicidal place, and she, indeed, sat back and smiled at herself for figuring out just how to make her life better. Proud as a peacock, she let me know "It is done", like some hitman who just got his target, and she washed her hands of the whole situation. Her life was complete again and she was at peace, or so she thought, until Monday morning when Mary came in, well-rested after her long weekend, sat down and
SSSSQQQQQUUUUEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKK!
went her chair.
(You can't win em all, kid, but you put up a good fight.)
Monday, April 26, 2010
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Yes, this just happened to me
What you are about to read, internet, is what I would call a "bad day". Now, I am aware that people have bad days all the time, but me: I do not. I try to find the good in every day, and I constantly work on patience and awareness. Sometimes, though, it's just got to be statistics that say every day cannot be good. I guess I was long overdue, and this is what ensued. This story, in no way, is a dramatization of what actually occurred. It is a play by play of something I can't even call a bad day, because in actuality, this is one hour and 15 minutes of my life today.
It started when I walked from work to my car in the parking garage, headed to see my trainer for the first time in 2 weeks! I wanted to cancel, of course, because it is much more fun to be lazy, but I said to myself, "Self: You need this. You will regret not going, and so you will go, and you will love how you feel after. Trust me". This pep talk happened as I walked in the brisk fall air of Seattle. I drove to the gym, found a wonderful spot right outside the gym and the ATM (double score!) and proceeded to turn the car off to get out and buy a parking sticker for the next hour. A tiny thought rushed past as I pulled the key out of the ignition and automatically, without thought as always, placed the keys in my purse. The thought said, "Lock or don't?" I immediately thought "lock" because the street I was on is riddled with homeless people and hoodlums, and my purse was on the front seat. I had my mini wallet in hand, opened the door, locked it with the auto lock on the door handle, stepped out and shut it. I walked halfway to the parking meter when I got that sense of impending doom in my tummy. Immediately I knew what I had just done, but I told myself, "Maybe not. Maybe you didn't hit the lock like you think you did." Just for shits and giggles, I walk back over to the car slowly, as if it was going to explode at any second, and peeked in. ALL. DOORS. LOCKED.
In moments like these, the mind starts going so fast that you can't really think straight. My first idiot move was to check the locked doors. Maybe today, by some act of God, they would open. Even though they were locked. Maybe for some reason. COME ON GOD, JUST MAKE THE LOCKS BROKEN! Jeez, srsly, is this really happening? Last time this happened it was Donia's fault, and it's so much easier when it's someone else's fault, isn't it?
My next stupid thoughts were "I'll call Donia". No phone-it's in the car. "I'll just tell my trainer that I can't work out with her, I'll use a payphone." No phone numbers memorized. "I'll just go home and figure it out there." No keys=no house keys, no landline phone to figure anything out you idiot!!! I, luckily, had my ID, credit cards, and bus pass on me, so I deduce that the one and only thing I can do is walk back downtown to where Donia is working and get her keys. My God, tell me her keys are not in the car in her backpack that she dropped in there before her shift because she knew I'd be picking her up anyway. If I have that, at least, going for me, I'll hug and kiss the next person I see, dirty or not. I promise.
Let me now share with you a little bit about Seattle weather. It is a common misconception that it rains all the time in Seattle. To clear this up, I will tell you that it is gloomy and cloudy and very much overcast for most of the year (we're talkin September through May). Now, when I say we have had the most beautiful summer ever, I mean it, and I have actually heard Seattlites themselves share this opinion with me over the last couple weeks. As fall rolls in, we have all been basking in the last rays of sunshine we can, and shedding a single tear for the weather to come. I bet you can guess where this is all going in my bad hour, and you guessed right. If you love irony, or just love the big ole F you this universe can thrust at you from time to time, you'll enjoy the next part of the story where I SWEAR TO GOD, INTERNET, IT STARTED RAINING TODAY IN SEATTLE. AFTER A BEAUTIFUL, RECORD-SETTING DRY SUMMER. It hasn't rained in I don't know how long, but it sure as shit rained today. The day I locked my keys in my car. And couldn't find a bus route. To take me downtown. The 30-some-odd blocks I needed to go. So I walked...
And I walked and I walked and on my walk I thought of a few things. First was the negative "I hate my life life sucks I want to cry but I won't but I really want to but I can't cuz people will see me and think I'm a crackhead all f'ed up walking down the street in the rain and SO HELP ME GOD IF ONE CRACKHEAD ASKS ME FOR MONEY I WILL SPEW THIS WHOLE PATHETIC STORY ONTO THEM UNTIL THEY ARE CRYING FOR ME AND NOT THEMSELVES ANYMORE". That is where I am at at this point. My next thoughts were good ones because, seeing as I wasn't giving in to the urge to cry, I was going to need to think positive. I had Donia as an out-I knew exactly where to find her and didn't need my phone to do it. I'd worn a hoodie and sneakers today to work because I was that lazy and didn't feel like doing more than putting on a wrinkled tee and covering it in an oversized sweatshirt. Well, at least that was going for me too. And I had my ID and money so if, God forbid, Donia had no keys for me, I had the means to drink until her shift was over. And the means to drink a lot. My last thought was that I wasn't getting to work out, but I sure as hell was getting a nice walk in for the day.
Sidenote: you may be asking yourself why I didn't call AAA. Well, readers, my membership had expired as of last month, and when I saw the $80 necessary to renew it, well now. You know that in true Leah form I procrastinated because WALKING TO THE KITCHEN AND WRITING A CHECK IS REALLY TAXING, and I probably wouldn't really need AAA, right?
Let's see, where are we now, ahhh yes. We are somewhere downtown in Seattle between the car--which, btw, does not have a parking sticker on it because I couldn't open the door to put it in the window and NO WAY IN HELL AM I PAYING FOR PARKING SO THAT SOME ASSHOLE CAN WALK BY AND, JUST FOR FUN, STEAL MY PARKING STICKER THAT'S HANGING ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE WINDOW--and Donia's work. I will not let anyone have the last laugh in this one, besides maybe the meter maid who will surely find my car and give me a ticket. That fact I am just putting out of my mind for the time being. I've got bigger fish to fry.
Walking through Seattle is always a challenge, and at this time of night people out on the streets are ready to party, and when I say people I mean those living on or near these streets who are always wasted/cracked out. They are in rare form as all of the timid 9-5ers wait at the same bus stops they do their drugs at, and it's fun to see them all scared, with their ballet flats and their umbrellas, as some drugged up woman screams, "No one want to lay next to yo scrawny ass anyway, you nuttin but a child molester, motherfucker!" Ahh, lovers quarrels. I guess crackheads need love, too. But you do remember that I am taking NO SHIT on this walk today and I am ready to go, come on hooker, give it all you got! I've never hit a bitch, but I ain't got nothin against starting my fightin history with you. Bring. It.
I make it through the storm (literally, but not literally, more to come on that soon) and finally reach the symphony hall where Donia is catering. Yes, fancy shmancy symphony hall with well dressed people saying intelligent things sipping $15 glasses of Moet. I am in the elevator and I just know I have to exit the elevator and walk past the entrance to the gathering they are having tonight, probably a high priced hou- long appetizer and wine party that cost more than any wedding I've ever attended. Wouldn't you know it, the elevator doors open and there's a lovely group of business men using words far beyond my comprehension, and me in my rain soaked hoodie, ripped jeans and sneaks. I rush into the kitchen ASAP and summon Donia over to get her keys and...drumroll...SHE HAS THE KEYS! Lord, You have not forsaken me, nor will You ever. Amen.
Some of the staff has a laugh over my debaucle, but they still really don't know all the gritty details of the last, at this point, 40 minutes. I get the keys and leave as quickly as I can, so not to embarass my girlfriend or my place of work with my wet-rat appearance any longer. Now I exit the building and, if I thought I was a wet rat before, I ain't seen nothin yet. I get outside to good news and bad news. Good first? Ok, well, my bus, the only one I know will get me to the vicinity of where I am going, is sitting outside the door, but about to leave. I run to the door and just make it. The bad news: It is downpouring. Like DOWNPOURING. Remember that little meteorology lesson I gave before on Seattle weather? Well, I forgot to tell you that it just doesn't ever rain hard here. It's always a sprinkly, drizzly rain. Keeping with the theme of the hour, you guessed correctly that it hasn't downpoured but a half a dozen times in the 2 years I have been here. Make today time #7...
Now, this bus ride is in an unfortunately busy area at an unfortunately busy time, but at least I'm dry. Or drying. The stop I need comes pretty quickly, but it is approximately another 10 blocks from where my car is. Did I mention that it. is. raining? And hard? At this point nothing is breaking me though, I have already come so far, I can see the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow. I know I will soon be home and in a snuggie. I can feel it! I can taste it! I can smell...whoa. Just then I pass by a covered bus stop and I see a woman struggling to light a cig. Then I realize, after that god-awful and unfamiliar smell that, internet, I think I just got my first wiff of crack cocaine. Srsly, I have never been in the actual presence of it before, but that smell was like no smoke I have ever smelled before. I press on because no little contact high is going to stop me now, even if I do feel woozy and sick. I get closer and closer, and yes, I know everyone is looking at me saying , "That poor girl", but more likely saying, "That scrubby girl lives on the street. She should get a job like the rest of us". I guarantee people thought this because it just so happens that where my car was parked and where I was now in my journey is an area of Seattle riddled with homeless teen and twenty something runaways who are always strung out and looking to panhandle or rob you. At this moment I could have been one of them, no one would have known better. Great, now I'm insecure too!
I reach the car and magically, and unbelievably to me, I HAVE NO PARKING TICKET! An hour and fifteen minutes, and no meter maid came by! It is pure luck I tell you, because in this exact spot a month ago I saw a man park, run into a deli, and come out under 3 minutes later to a ticket. I kid you not. I blew God a kiss and threw him a wink. He wasn't all bad today, with his little "let's see what you can handle before you crack" joke that he played on me. The keys, the rain, the lack of busses, the dodging of the crackheads. It was all a test of my patience. Well, A++ if I do say so myself, with extra credit for not bitching someone out or shedding a tear in the process.
I am finally in the car, soaked to the core, but victorious. I actually took camera photos to reiterate just how wet it was out. When I said no dramatizations, I meant it. Worst case scenario EVER!
I am now home and in dry clothes, a snuggie thrown over me for warmth. Yes, I do have to leave the house again later to get Donia, but you know one thing...I AM NOT GETTING OUT OF THAT DAMN CAR FOR ANY REASON. Keys in the ignition until I am good and ready to run back into the apt and back into the snuggie for the night. I'm not taking any more chances with this day.
Please excuse my language when I say fuck you, Tuesday, and all of your dirty wet tricks.
** I now invite the aforementioned "one-uppers" to top that, biotch!**
It started when I walked from work to my car in the parking garage, headed to see my trainer for the first time in 2 weeks! I wanted to cancel, of course, because it is much more fun to be lazy, but I said to myself, "Self: You need this. You will regret not going, and so you will go, and you will love how you feel after. Trust me". This pep talk happened as I walked in the brisk fall air of Seattle. I drove to the gym, found a wonderful spot right outside the gym and the ATM (double score!) and proceeded to turn the car off to get out and buy a parking sticker for the next hour. A tiny thought rushed past as I pulled the key out of the ignition and automatically, without thought as always, placed the keys in my purse. The thought said, "Lock or don't?" I immediately thought "lock" because the street I was on is riddled with homeless people and hoodlums, and my purse was on the front seat. I had my mini wallet in hand, opened the door, locked it with the auto lock on the door handle, stepped out and shut it. I walked halfway to the parking meter when I got that sense of impending doom in my tummy. Immediately I knew what I had just done, but I told myself, "Maybe not. Maybe you didn't hit the lock like you think you did." Just for shits and giggles, I walk back over to the car slowly, as if it was going to explode at any second, and peeked in. ALL. DOORS. LOCKED.
In moments like these, the mind starts going so fast that you can't really think straight. My first idiot move was to check the locked doors. Maybe today, by some act of God, they would open. Even though they were locked. Maybe for some reason. COME ON GOD, JUST MAKE THE LOCKS BROKEN! Jeez, srsly, is this really happening? Last time this happened it was Donia's fault, and it's so much easier when it's someone else's fault, isn't it?
My next stupid thoughts were "I'll call Donia". No phone-it's in the car. "I'll just tell my trainer that I can't work out with her, I'll use a payphone." No phone numbers memorized. "I'll just go home and figure it out there." No keys=no house keys, no landline phone to figure anything out you idiot!!! I, luckily, had my ID, credit cards, and bus pass on me, so I deduce that the one and only thing I can do is walk back downtown to where Donia is working and get her keys. My God, tell me her keys are not in the car in her backpack that she dropped in there before her shift because she knew I'd be picking her up anyway. If I have that, at least, going for me, I'll hug and kiss the next person I see, dirty or not. I promise.
Let me now share with you a little bit about Seattle weather. It is a common misconception that it rains all the time in Seattle. To clear this up, I will tell you that it is gloomy and cloudy and very much overcast for most of the year (we're talkin September through May). Now, when I say we have had the most beautiful summer ever, I mean it, and I have actually heard Seattlites themselves share this opinion with me over the last couple weeks. As fall rolls in, we have all been basking in the last rays of sunshine we can, and shedding a single tear for the weather to come. I bet you can guess where this is all going in my bad hour, and you guessed right. If you love irony, or just love the big ole F you this universe can thrust at you from time to time, you'll enjoy the next part of the story where I SWEAR TO GOD, INTERNET, IT STARTED RAINING TODAY IN SEATTLE. AFTER A BEAUTIFUL, RECORD-SETTING DRY SUMMER. It hasn't rained in I don't know how long, but it sure as shit rained today. The day I locked my keys in my car. And couldn't find a bus route. To take me downtown. The 30-some-odd blocks I needed to go. So I walked...
And I walked and I walked and on my walk I thought of a few things. First was the negative "I hate my life life sucks I want to cry but I won't but I really want to but I can't cuz people will see me and think I'm a crackhead all f'ed up walking down the street in the rain and SO HELP ME GOD IF ONE CRACKHEAD ASKS ME FOR MONEY I WILL SPEW THIS WHOLE PATHETIC STORY ONTO THEM UNTIL THEY ARE CRYING FOR ME AND NOT THEMSELVES ANYMORE". That is where I am at at this point. My next thoughts were good ones because, seeing as I wasn't giving in to the urge to cry, I was going to need to think positive. I had Donia as an out-I knew exactly where to find her and didn't need my phone to do it. I'd worn a hoodie and sneakers today to work because I was that lazy and didn't feel like doing more than putting on a wrinkled tee and covering it in an oversized sweatshirt. Well, at least that was going for me too. And I had my ID and money so if, God forbid, Donia had no keys for me, I had the means to drink until her shift was over. And the means to drink a lot. My last thought was that I wasn't getting to work out, but I sure as hell was getting a nice walk in for the day.
Sidenote: you may be asking yourself why I didn't call AAA. Well, readers, my membership had expired as of last month, and when I saw the $80 necessary to renew it, well now. You know that in true Leah form I procrastinated because WALKING TO THE KITCHEN AND WRITING A CHECK IS REALLY TAXING, and I probably wouldn't really need AAA, right?
Let's see, where are we now, ahhh yes. We are somewhere downtown in Seattle between the car--which, btw, does not have a parking sticker on it because I couldn't open the door to put it in the window and NO WAY IN HELL AM I PAYING FOR PARKING SO THAT SOME ASSHOLE CAN WALK BY AND, JUST FOR FUN, STEAL MY PARKING STICKER THAT'S HANGING ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE WINDOW--and Donia's work. I will not let anyone have the last laugh in this one, besides maybe the meter maid who will surely find my car and give me a ticket. That fact I am just putting out of my mind for the time being. I've got bigger fish to fry.
Walking through Seattle is always a challenge, and at this time of night people out on the streets are ready to party, and when I say people I mean those living on or near these streets who are always wasted/cracked out. They are in rare form as all of the timid 9-5ers wait at the same bus stops they do their drugs at, and it's fun to see them all scared, with their ballet flats and their umbrellas, as some drugged up woman screams, "No one want to lay next to yo scrawny ass anyway, you nuttin but a child molester, motherfucker!" Ahh, lovers quarrels. I guess crackheads need love, too. But you do remember that I am taking NO SHIT on this walk today and I am ready to go, come on hooker, give it all you got! I've never hit a bitch, but I ain't got nothin against starting my fightin history with you. Bring. It.
I make it through the storm (literally, but not literally, more to come on that soon) and finally reach the symphony hall where Donia is catering. Yes, fancy shmancy symphony hall with well dressed people saying intelligent things sipping $15 glasses of Moet. I am in the elevator and I just know I have to exit the elevator and walk past the entrance to the gathering they are having tonight, probably a high priced hou- long appetizer and wine party that cost more than any wedding I've ever attended. Wouldn't you know it, the elevator doors open and there's a lovely group of business men using words far beyond my comprehension, and me in my rain soaked hoodie, ripped jeans and sneaks. I rush into the kitchen ASAP and summon Donia over to get her keys and...drumroll...SHE HAS THE KEYS! Lord, You have not forsaken me, nor will You ever. Amen.
Some of the staff has a laugh over my debaucle, but they still really don't know all the gritty details of the last, at this point, 40 minutes. I get the keys and leave as quickly as I can, so not to embarass my girlfriend or my place of work with my wet-rat appearance any longer. Now I exit the building and, if I thought I was a wet rat before, I ain't seen nothin yet. I get outside to good news and bad news. Good first? Ok, well, my bus, the only one I know will get me to the vicinity of where I am going, is sitting outside the door, but about to leave. I run to the door and just make it. The bad news: It is downpouring. Like DOWNPOURING. Remember that little meteorology lesson I gave before on Seattle weather? Well, I forgot to tell you that it just doesn't ever rain hard here. It's always a sprinkly, drizzly rain. Keeping with the theme of the hour, you guessed correctly that it hasn't downpoured but a half a dozen times in the 2 years I have been here. Make today time #7...
Now, this bus ride is in an unfortunately busy area at an unfortunately busy time, but at least I'm dry. Or drying. The stop I need comes pretty quickly, but it is approximately another 10 blocks from where my car is. Did I mention that it. is. raining? And hard? At this point nothing is breaking me though, I have already come so far, I can see the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow. I know I will soon be home and in a snuggie. I can feel it! I can taste it! I can smell...whoa. Just then I pass by a covered bus stop and I see a woman struggling to light a cig. Then I realize, after that god-awful and unfamiliar smell that, internet, I think I just got my first wiff of crack cocaine. Srsly, I have never been in the actual presence of it before, but that smell was like no smoke I have ever smelled before. I press on because no little contact high is going to stop me now, even if I do feel woozy and sick. I get closer and closer, and yes, I know everyone is looking at me saying , "That poor girl", but more likely saying, "That scrubby girl lives on the street. She should get a job like the rest of us". I guarantee people thought this because it just so happens that where my car was parked and where I was now in my journey is an area of Seattle riddled with homeless teen and twenty something runaways who are always strung out and looking to panhandle or rob you. At this moment I could have been one of them, no one would have known better. Great, now I'm insecure too!
I reach the car and magically, and unbelievably to me, I HAVE NO PARKING TICKET! An hour and fifteen minutes, and no meter maid came by! It is pure luck I tell you, because in this exact spot a month ago I saw a man park, run into a deli, and come out under 3 minutes later to a ticket. I kid you not. I blew God a kiss and threw him a wink. He wasn't all bad today, with his little "let's see what you can handle before you crack" joke that he played on me. The keys, the rain, the lack of busses, the dodging of the crackheads. It was all a test of my patience. Well, A++ if I do say so myself, with extra credit for not bitching someone out or shedding a tear in the process.
I am finally in the car, soaked to the core, but victorious. I actually took camera photos to reiterate just how wet it was out. When I said no dramatizations, I meant it. Worst case scenario EVER!
I am now home and in dry clothes, a snuggie thrown over me for warmth. Yes, I do have to leave the house again later to get Donia, but you know one thing...I AM NOT GETTING OUT OF THAT DAMN CAR FOR ANY REASON. Keys in the ignition until I am good and ready to run back into the apt and back into the snuggie for the night. I'm not taking any more chances with this day.
Please excuse my language when I say fuck you, Tuesday, and all of your dirty wet tricks.
** I now invite the aforementioned "one-uppers" to top that, biotch!**
Monday, July 27, 2009
29 for the next 5 years, at least.
For the first time ever, I was very content--no, I actually felt the urge--to be alone on my birthday. Not alone like off-myself-when-no-one-is-looking alone, but alone in that I wanted to stay home from work and wake up when I wanted and do what I wanted and walk by myself and think about the number 29. The AGE 29. A friend pointed out that today is the first day I am 29, and the first day for many years to come that I will claim to be 29. I love that. I have seen it on TV and in the movies, and no one wants to let go of 29. So for the next year, I will enjoy it.
Someone also once told me (I have lots of friends with lots of good ideas) that you change every 7 years. You, your personality, your view on life. Think about it sometime. If this is true, then the last year has been a huge change in me, and I agree with that. Not my location or relationship or friendships or likes and dislikes, but an innate change in yourself that you can just feel. A way of seeing the world clearer, with less filters. A way of knowing that all that mattered before was just a shallow view, a terribly skewed and backwards view of what it's really all about.
I feel like I don't care what people think--of course everyone says this when they are trying to prove maturity--but it's not like that at all. It's not in a rebellious, "I'm wearing these sweats out and I don't care what people think" way, when what you're really looking for is the attention being different brings. It's in the "I don't even care if I'm uncool or that that 16 yr old Paramore fan just made a comment to her friend about how the 'No Doubt crowd' is a bit older." It's just a content and happy feeling that you have for your own life, and for what you have. You don't compare it to others' lives or try to live parallel to theirs. It's knowing that what you have is what you need and that the road that got you there was important. It was the whole point.
Last night I was happy about today being 3 hours away. I won't say I'm happy to be this age, but I know I am this age and I probably wouldn't want to go backward if given the chance. I wouldn't want to revisit the depression in college, the extreme insecurity (which lingers only but a touch), or the low self esteem that made me take my youth for granted and always look to be someone else. I see my flaws now, and though I'll never stop trying to change them to be better, I will stop letting them hold me back from being who I can at the present moment. And I don't mean to get deep for the sake of getting deep, it is just that reflection helps when you're 29. You want to know that you will be ok and that, after all the prior b-days where you thought you wouldn't make it or just wanted aging to STOP, you did go on and experienced things and would never take those things back. I know, even at this "old age", I have so much more to do and be a part of that will change me and make me stronger and more aware. That is what keeps me going.
I feel the need to be healthy and spiritual. I never needed to be healthy before, I was just lucky to have the biological makeup that I had. I have to work now, and I can't say I love it, but I see I need to do it. Religion and spirituality mean two different things to me, and I want to explore both my Christianity and my Spirit here on Earth and see how the three things can connect. The Earth is a magical place and if you don't think so just look at the other empty planets. I want to remember the little things, but not sweat them. I practice patience more than I can tell you, and I try to remember that we are all in this together, even those who are really just in it for themselves. They are the ones we need to reach out to the most and show that without others, they would be damn lonely on this big planet.
Moving away has been a big part of "growing up" for me. I always went out on my own, had my roomates and dorm and apartments and such, but I never went away and experienced another place, void of my friends and family and the comforts of home. Now some do this and others don't, and to me both sides of the argument have their points. I do know that for me to see another side of the country, another culture in and of itself, different people and views and attitudes, has brought me a new understanding of me, the world, and the part I play in it. Of course I found people way over here that were like me and had the same views, and those people were easy to befriend. It's the ones that differ from us that open our eyes to thinking and feeling differently. If you give them a chance, everyone can teach you something. I'm not even talking about being in search of a new religion or political stance or anything as drastic. It's just the small things that differ between place to place that make you not only appreciate that place, but more appreciate where you came from. I was against this move from the get go and ready to never give it a chance and beg my way home, but when I let go and rode out the experience, I got way more from it than I ever thought possible.
I like having the confidence in myself to not need to hold my parents' hands all the way through (though some nights I just wanna be home with them!). I like knowing I don't take on the persona of the person I'm dating anymore and that I am me, no matter who I am with. I like feeling like I want to be with the person I love, but not needing to be with them to survive. I like having a clean slate with no secrets or lies that are always lingering in the back of my mind. I like to know that if something happens, I can count on me first and them second if need be That I can get myself through, but that I can reach out if I need a little help.
I like knowing that after all these years, though only few have emerged victorious, I have some lingering good friends I can count on for anything. I have a best friend who is still here and we have changed together and still know how to use each other when we need a boost. You never know who you'll end up with when you are out partying and working and in school and meeting all sorts of people from all walks of life. I am happy to say that I have been able to hold on to the best of them, by the grace of God, and their graces as well.
Sometimes I still feel that little girl's fears come out and I just want to run and hide. Sometimes the insecurities of my teenage years emerge and bring me down to places I never wanted to see again. And then there are the struggles that came in my early twenties where I sometime felt as if I were circling and circling only to find I could not pinpoint exactly what I was looking for. Dizzy from circling and booze and conflicting feelings and views coming from the people around me. Where I was disappointed every time I thought I had found IT, only to be heartbroken when I was told that this wasn't it yet again. I feel these things now because no one can ever be truly whole or happy or okay, but I deal with them as I know fit. Without these things we would not keep working at ourselves, nor would we see how far we have come and how proud we should be.
Next year I hope to be closer to home for my 30th. In part because I'm almost ready to be there again, and also because I will need one big crazy ass party with lots of booze to keep me from going insane and crying for weeks. It will be one part party, one part suicide watch, and all parts love and fun. I am ready for adulthood, today on my 29th. I can't say I was ready yesterday, but this morning I woke up and made the decision to sign up, put on my "Hello my name is" sticker, and participate in the rest of life. To be rid of my 20's and prepare for the ever popular 30's. Is 30 the new 20? I'll never know and I'll never tell cuz I'm 29 from here on out...
Someone also once told me (I have lots of friends with lots of good ideas) that you change every 7 years. You, your personality, your view on life. Think about it sometime. If this is true, then the last year has been a huge change in me, and I agree with that. Not my location or relationship or friendships or likes and dislikes, but an innate change in yourself that you can just feel. A way of seeing the world clearer, with less filters. A way of knowing that all that mattered before was just a shallow view, a terribly skewed and backwards view of what it's really all about.
I feel like I don't care what people think--of course everyone says this when they are trying to prove maturity--but it's not like that at all. It's not in a rebellious, "I'm wearing these sweats out and I don't care what people think" way, when what you're really looking for is the attention being different brings. It's in the "I don't even care if I'm uncool or that that 16 yr old Paramore fan just made a comment to her friend about how the 'No Doubt crowd' is a bit older." It's just a content and happy feeling that you have for your own life, and for what you have. You don't compare it to others' lives or try to live parallel to theirs. It's knowing that what you have is what you need and that the road that got you there was important. It was the whole point.
Last night I was happy about today being 3 hours away. I won't say I'm happy to be this age, but I know I am this age and I probably wouldn't want to go backward if given the chance. I wouldn't want to revisit the depression in college, the extreme insecurity (which lingers only but a touch), or the low self esteem that made me take my youth for granted and always look to be someone else. I see my flaws now, and though I'll never stop trying to change them to be better, I will stop letting them hold me back from being who I can at the present moment. And I don't mean to get deep for the sake of getting deep, it is just that reflection helps when you're 29. You want to know that you will be ok and that, after all the prior b-days where you thought you wouldn't make it or just wanted aging to STOP, you did go on and experienced things and would never take those things back. I know, even at this "old age", I have so much more to do and be a part of that will change me and make me stronger and more aware. That is what keeps me going.
I feel the need to be healthy and spiritual. I never needed to be healthy before, I was just lucky to have the biological makeup that I had. I have to work now, and I can't say I love it, but I see I need to do it. Religion and spirituality mean two different things to me, and I want to explore both my Christianity and my Spirit here on Earth and see how the three things can connect. The Earth is a magical place and if you don't think so just look at the other empty planets. I want to remember the little things, but not sweat them. I practice patience more than I can tell you, and I try to remember that we are all in this together, even those who are really just in it for themselves. They are the ones we need to reach out to the most and show that without others, they would be damn lonely on this big planet.
Moving away has been a big part of "growing up" for me. I always went out on my own, had my roomates and dorm and apartments and such, but I never went away and experienced another place, void of my friends and family and the comforts of home. Now some do this and others don't, and to me both sides of the argument have their points. I do know that for me to see another side of the country, another culture in and of itself, different people and views and attitudes, has brought me a new understanding of me, the world, and the part I play in it. Of course I found people way over here that were like me and had the same views, and those people were easy to befriend. It's the ones that differ from us that open our eyes to thinking and feeling differently. If you give them a chance, everyone can teach you something. I'm not even talking about being in search of a new religion or political stance or anything as drastic. It's just the small things that differ between place to place that make you not only appreciate that place, but more appreciate where you came from. I was against this move from the get go and ready to never give it a chance and beg my way home, but when I let go and rode out the experience, I got way more from it than I ever thought possible.
I like having the confidence in myself to not need to hold my parents' hands all the way through (though some nights I just wanna be home with them!). I like knowing I don't take on the persona of the person I'm dating anymore and that I am me, no matter who I am with. I like feeling like I want to be with the person I love, but not needing to be with them to survive. I like having a clean slate with no secrets or lies that are always lingering in the back of my mind. I like to know that if something happens, I can count on me first and them second if need be That I can get myself through, but that I can reach out if I need a little help.
I like knowing that after all these years, though only few have emerged victorious, I have some lingering good friends I can count on for anything. I have a best friend who is still here and we have changed together and still know how to use each other when we need a boost. You never know who you'll end up with when you are out partying and working and in school and meeting all sorts of people from all walks of life. I am happy to say that I have been able to hold on to the best of them, by the grace of God, and their graces as well.
Sometimes I still feel that little girl's fears come out and I just want to run and hide. Sometimes the insecurities of my teenage years emerge and bring me down to places I never wanted to see again. And then there are the struggles that came in my early twenties where I sometime felt as if I were circling and circling only to find I could not pinpoint exactly what I was looking for. Dizzy from circling and booze and conflicting feelings and views coming from the people around me. Where I was disappointed every time I thought I had found IT, only to be heartbroken when I was told that this wasn't it yet again. I feel these things now because no one can ever be truly whole or happy or okay, but I deal with them as I know fit. Without these things we would not keep working at ourselves, nor would we see how far we have come and how proud we should be.
Next year I hope to be closer to home for my 30th. In part because I'm almost ready to be there again, and also because I will need one big crazy ass party with lots of booze to keep me from going insane and crying for weeks. It will be one part party, one part suicide watch, and all parts love and fun. I am ready for adulthood, today on my 29th. I can't say I was ready yesterday, but this morning I woke up and made the decision to sign up, put on my "Hello my name is" sticker, and participate in the rest of life. To be rid of my 20's and prepare for the ever popular 30's. Is 30 the new 20? I'll never know and I'll never tell cuz I'm 29 from here on out...
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Gram
I haven't been inspired lately by too much...too much positive stuff that is. And though this is going to sound like a very negative situation that has inspired this blog, I can't take it as that at all. Maybe if you read on, you'll see what I mean...
We found out that my Gramma, a.k.a. Rev. Barbara Mattscheck/Barb/Gram/mom/Pastor Barbara, has cancer again. She beat breast cancer about 10 years ago, but the doctors are saying now she has a lump in her lung. The whereabouts and specifics of this cancer are not my main goal to get across here today, though. The point of this post is that you are only as sad, sick, helpless and depressed as you let yourself be. I realized the power of positive thinking and living a while ago, and I've never looked back since. My Gram is another one of those people, but to such a higher degree, I don't know if I'll ever get there. She does not work alone, but puts all of her faith and belief in God. I know this is what gets her through the day, and what will get her through this battle as she forges ahead.
My mom broke the news to me about the cancer. My mom was not the one to explain the situation to me, though, as she was visibly upset and unable to get through it without crying. She handed the phone to Gram. Well, wouldn't you know, this woman got on the phone and acted as if she were going to tell me a fun story or announce wonderful news! She did not sound like a woman who was just told she had cancer at all, which is what helped me through the phone call. She went on very matter-of-factly, explaining to me what they'd found and what was going to be done. She talked about chemo with the positivity of someone talking about a lovely picnic in the park. She never got down with her tone of voice or even told me to worry or not to worry. To her this was another thing life had thrown at her, and she was gonna deal with it and move on. Now this is not to say Gram is not in touch with reality; in fact she is a very intelligent and rational woman. She just will not let the fear of this disease get to her. I am sure she is afraid in a way, but she has such neverending and unyielding faith, she doesn't even go to that scary place. She believes that the Lord will get her through this and that everything will be ok, and that's all the rest of us should believe as well.
Maybe it is because I'm way out here in Seattle and don't see her all the time, but I just can't get afraid over this. Something in me says everything is going to be ok, that there is no way she is not strong enough for this. I wish I was there now to be with my family, who is in need of comforting right now, and it's times like this that I regret being way over here. I will see Gram in July, probably after she has already started chemo, and it will be very, very hard, but I know what I will find when I get there. A positive woman, without fear, who has put all of her health and wellness in God's hands.
I have to say, without offending the very few men in my family, that I know and have always known that Gram is the head of our little family clan. She is the matriarchal leader that we look to when things are bad, or even good. She has been a pastor her whole life, bringing the Word of God to people far longer than I can even remember or imagine! She has devoted her life to helping those in need, whether it be physically, mentally, or spiritually. Her aura just oozes faith and love and compassion. So many look to her not only as their spiritual teacher, but as a quasi mother, grandmother, or friend. Even the occupation that she chose for herself was not only selfless but rewarding! Dog shows and dog breeding brought in money, of course, but think of all those people who came to buy puppies that they and their family could love and enjoy for years to come! Nothing says love like chihuahuas and Jesus!
I have always looked at my Gram, not as a timid and subservient woman from another generation, but as a strong woman who was ahead of her time. She is independent, and maybe a little pushy in stores, but she does what is best for herself and others and doesn't compromise herself. Just this past Christmas she had me and my mother on stealth missions in the middle of a fabric store, fleeing a potentially angry mob of consumers who would have stopped at nothing less than beating us to a pulp if they saw us leave with the items we came for hours before they would receive theirs (It's a long story, don't ask!). It's always an adventure going out with Gram, but her mantra is "there's always a way around everything". Some would think this is the mantra of a seasoned criminal, but I say "nope, it's just my Gram". There are endless stories I could tell of being with my Gram and the rest of the family, visiting and sharing and having some good ole fashioned family fun. You probably wouldn't believe some of the wackiness that has ensued in the past when Gram was involved, but some of my favorite past times are when these things occurred, or when we all sat around and reminisced about the stunts she's pulled. It's more fun than any bar I've been to with friends, any date night out at the movies, or any other mindless task we fill our days with. Family will just always beat all that other filler out.
Currently Gram is leading her own church, as well as feeding and clothing the homeless and prostitutes in RI. What more could you ask for in a human being than to use their time and energy to help others? When I first heard about Gram's mission to go out and help people on the streets of the city, it was through a request that I give her all the clothes I didn't want anymore instead of throwing them out. When I questioned her on what she would do with them, she answered, "The prostitutes can wear them". At first I was appalled and offended that she thought my wardrobe was fit for a prostitute, but then I realized what she was doing. She was trying to get them off the streets and out of this line of work, which for most I'm sure was almost a necessity in order to just stay alive out there on the streets. Of course I made the obvious hooker jokes at first, but when I stopped to think about what my own Gramma was out there doing, I was amazed at the person she was. Brave and giving and doing the work that the Lord put her here to do.
I can't even begin to understand why things like this happen to good people. People with such a positive influence in so many people's lives. People who could never be replaced. I am not saying that bad people deserve anything like cancer, but I am certain my Gramma doesn't for sure.
She will tell you herself to just pray and believe. I'll never forget being 8 or 9 and struggling with asthma and my Gramma laying hands on me and saying "By the stripes of Jesus, I am healed". She taught me that Bible verse and, at the time (and even still a little now) I didn't really know what "stripes of Jesus" were. I pictured a zebra whenever I prayed that prayer in my bed, and I'll be honest, when I utter this prayer now, I still think zebra. The Lord works in mysterious ways, I guess...
When people get sick they can either look to God and blame him and ask why, which was my first reaction. Your other option is to turn to Him and pray for strength and His power of healing. So I ask you now: pray for her, have faith, believe that she will beat this and get through it with help from the Lord. Be there for her when she doesn't feel well, be a support and a comfort to her when she needs it. I will do it from far away, but I will do all I can. This is not anything but a struggle she will get through with the love of her family and friends, and a bit of that faith that we should all be lucky enough to learn to have and to hold on to.
I think it's sad that people don't always know how highly we think of them. It's times like these that make us think and wonder and appreciate what we have. We can question and be confused, but what we can't do is lose faith in God and the power he Has when we believe...
When people get sick they can either look to God and blame him and ask why, which was my first reaction. Your other option is to turn to Him and pray for strength and His power of healing. So I ask you now: pray for her, have faith, believe that she will beat this and get through it with help from the Lord. Be there for her when she doesn't feel well, be a support and a comfort to her when she needs it. I will do it from far away, but I will do all I can. This is not anything but a struggle she will get through with the love of her family and friends, and a bit of that faith that we should all be lucky enough to learn to have and to hold on to.
I think it's sad that people don't always know how highly we think of them. It's times like these that make us think and wonder and appreciate what we have. We can question and be confused, but what we can't do is lose faith in God and the power he Has when we believe...
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Vote no. Save our ship.
So it is one day after the Supreme Court deliberated and looked again at the decision to keep same-sex marriage banned in California. This means it is one day after the SC pissed on the bill and then kicked it ‘til it cried…again.
You know, today marks a day where a lot of people (Right wing? Religious? Topless Miss Californias all over the world?) are celebrating with a non-alcoholic drink and a dance party consisting of equal parts boys and girls, all covered from neck to feet in ugly garb and keeping 6 inches from each other at all times. I'm sure it's a hoot. Good for them, you know. Maybe they are right. The more I think about it, the more it seems like gay marriage IS a bad idea. My God, think of the repercussions! Let me lay them out for you, one by one, so you too can really decide if we want the sanctity of marriage to be ruined by these awful, awful gays.
First off, all those arguments about the economy, blah blah blah. Do you seriously think that a bunch of gays are gonna throw huge bashes for weddings? With glorious, expensive, and lavish themes? Really? Come on now, if anyone knows the gays, it's me, and they do not like to do things up in such a way that you're blinded by glitter and sequins and diamonds. They are very modest and plain individuals who will not be putting any money into the economy if they are, in fact, finally (FINALLY) granted the right to have a wedding and marry. And the lesbians, come on, they are even less lavish. What, are we expecting them to have enormous guest lists or something? All those mouths to feed? The lesbian community is NOT HUGE or TIGHT KNIT and they don't ALL KNOW EACH OTHER, so just forget it. There's no way our economy would make money off of either of these groups. No marriage for them.
Secondly, I think that the gays could only ruin what we have already established as a successful and sacred tradition. Once they're married, they'll then start having sex, which is exactly what we're trying to avoid! Straight couples wait for the day that they are bonded through the ties of marriage before they ever even think about having intercourse! If we allow gays the same right, all of a sudden they'll start losing their virginities on their wedding nights, just like all of the straight people who are following the Lord's request to wait until that time. No way do we want to allow that! If straight people can wait until marriage and resist the temptation of sex for all those years, then they deserve marriage be kept for themselves and away from the gays.
And another thing… I am so sick and tired of all these gay couples complaining they can't get married. How long have they been together, like a week? The sanctity of marriage is always upheld by straight people and let me tell you, they would never abuse it by eloping because the girl is knocked up, or because they got wasted and thought it was a great idea to get hitched. Never. The gays would probably do this. You are trying to tell me that there are gay couples that have been together for 10, 15, 25 years at this point and now want marriage because they have kids and are getting older and want to make sure their partner and children are protected should anything happen to them? B.S. They would never abide by the traditions straight people uphold of having a full courtship, meeting the parents when the time is right, staying abstinent, going through marriage classes, and giving their courtship ample time to be sure that what they are doing is the absolute right decision for both parties. The gays would probably mess it up and do crazy shit like get married for money, or for status, or because they have run out of options and don't think they'll ever find anyone. What if they start arranging marriages with teens! Can you imagine some cultish thing like that happening??!! They'd probably try to marry soldiers to get the monetary perks of being an army wife/husband. They'd probably troll websites looking for rich men and then get plastic surgery and dye their hair bleach blond and pretend they loved a man 50 years their senior just to inherit his estate. Damn those gays and their sneaky reasons for getting married. Straight people would NEVER sink so low.
The last thing I have to say is that gays marrying will totally mess up the family model as we know it. Families need two parents and I can't see two gays staying together after kids. I mean, I work hard for my money, and I am so tired of my tax dollars going toward these gays who just have, like, 6 kids and can't take care of them! Why are they so irresponsible? Why do they keep getting pregnant by accident? All my tax dollars going to their welfare payments? Birth control, gays, birth control. Why can't they take on the good practices of the straight people and wait and plan and make sure that they want the children and that they don't have multiple accidents. Straight people plan it out so well that they know, like, the exact day and time of conception! They don't just go out and get drunk and knocked up and then either neglect their kids or have abortions. Now I believe abortion is a woman's right... but really lesbians, let's stop using it as birth control, eh? I mean, I wish that gays understood how important children are and how they need loving parents. You don't see one straight parent taking off on the other and leaving their kids to wonder why mommy or daddy left them, do you? And please, gays, if you're gonna have all these unwanted kids, please put them up for adoption. Do you even understand how important adoption is to parents who can't have biological kids?
America, stand by your decision to not allow gays to marry. They're not even real people, anyway, so how can their relationships be real? Really they're just actors and designers or characters on TV, you don't know any real gays, so just stick to your guns. They don't stay together forever like marriage says to, like straight people do. They won't take the vows as seriously as the straight people do either. They will just take advantage of this sacred rite that the straight people have cultivated and nurtured for thousands of years. Please, just read this and don't think it through much
You know, today marks a day where a lot of people (Right wing? Religious? Topless Miss Californias all over the world?) are celebrating with a non-alcoholic drink and a dance party consisting of equal parts boys and girls, all covered from neck to feet in ugly garb and keeping 6 inches from each other at all times. I'm sure it's a hoot. Good for them, you know. Maybe they are right. The more I think about it, the more it seems like gay marriage IS a bad idea. My God, think of the repercussions! Let me lay them out for you, one by one, so you too can really decide if we want the sanctity of marriage to be ruined by these awful, awful gays.
First off, all those arguments about the economy, blah blah blah. Do you seriously think that a bunch of gays are gonna throw huge bashes for weddings? With glorious, expensive, and lavish themes? Really? Come on now, if anyone knows the gays, it's me, and they do not like to do things up in such a way that you're blinded by glitter and sequins and diamonds. They are very modest and plain individuals who will not be putting any money into the economy if they are, in fact, finally (FINALLY) granted the right to have a wedding and marry. And the lesbians, come on, they are even less lavish. What, are we expecting them to have enormous guest lists or something? All those mouths to feed? The lesbian community is NOT HUGE or TIGHT KNIT and they don't ALL KNOW EACH OTHER, so just forget it. There's no way our economy would make money off of either of these groups. No marriage for them.
Secondly, I think that the gays could only ruin what we have already established as a successful and sacred tradition. Once they're married, they'll then start having sex, which is exactly what we're trying to avoid! Straight couples wait for the day that they are bonded through the ties of marriage before they ever even think about having intercourse! If we allow gays the same right, all of a sudden they'll start losing their virginities on their wedding nights, just like all of the straight people who are following the Lord's request to wait until that time. No way do we want to allow that! If straight people can wait until marriage and resist the temptation of sex for all those years, then they deserve marriage be kept for themselves and away from the gays.
And another thing… I am so sick and tired of all these gay couples complaining they can't get married. How long have they been together, like a week? The sanctity of marriage is always upheld by straight people and let me tell you, they would never abuse it by eloping because the girl is knocked up, or because they got wasted and thought it was a great idea to get hitched. Never. The gays would probably do this. You are trying to tell me that there are gay couples that have been together for 10, 15, 25 years at this point and now want marriage because they have kids and are getting older and want to make sure their partner and children are protected should anything happen to them? B.S. They would never abide by the traditions straight people uphold of having a full courtship, meeting the parents when the time is right, staying abstinent, going through marriage classes, and giving their courtship ample time to be sure that what they are doing is the absolute right decision for both parties. The gays would probably mess it up and do crazy shit like get married for money, or for status, or because they have run out of options and don't think they'll ever find anyone. What if they start arranging marriages with teens! Can you imagine some cultish thing like that happening??!! They'd probably try to marry soldiers to get the monetary perks of being an army wife/husband. They'd probably troll websites looking for rich men and then get plastic surgery and dye their hair bleach blond and pretend they loved a man 50 years their senior just to inherit his estate. Damn those gays and their sneaky reasons for getting married. Straight people would NEVER sink so low.
The last thing I have to say is that gays marrying will totally mess up the family model as we know it. Families need two parents and I can't see two gays staying together after kids. I mean, I work hard for my money, and I am so tired of my tax dollars going toward these gays who just have, like, 6 kids and can't take care of them! Why are they so irresponsible? Why do they keep getting pregnant by accident? All my tax dollars going to their welfare payments? Birth control, gays, birth control. Why can't they take on the good practices of the straight people and wait and plan and make sure that they want the children and that they don't have multiple accidents. Straight people plan it out so well that they know, like, the exact day and time of conception! They don't just go out and get drunk and knocked up and then either neglect their kids or have abortions. Now I believe abortion is a woman's right... but really lesbians, let's stop using it as birth control, eh? I mean, I wish that gays understood how important children are and how they need loving parents. You don't see one straight parent taking off on the other and leaving their kids to wonder why mommy or daddy left them, do you? And please, gays, if you're gonna have all these unwanted kids, please put them up for adoption. Do you even understand how important adoption is to parents who can't have biological kids?
America, stand by your decision to not allow gays to marry. They're not even real people, anyway, so how can their relationships be real? Really they're just actors and designers or characters on TV, you don't know any real gays, so just stick to your guns. They don't stay together forever like marriage says to, like straight people do. They won't take the vows as seriously as the straight people do either. They will just take advantage of this sacred rite that the straight people have cultivated and nurtured for thousands of years. Please, just read this and don't think it through much
Saturday, April 11, 2009
A lesson in love and sparkly onesies
10 years ago, a girl named Britney Spears came on the pop scene (or should I say CREATED IT), and turned the world upside down. Then she said "OOPS", and all was forgiven.
When I finally realized that my "hate" for Brit was actually jealousy that festered because of my ex bf's love for her, I was able to get past it and get on the Brit train. The I love Brit train. The train that derails all others.
The concert in Tacoma (an hour outside of Seattle) the other night was amazing! My tickets came via Santa, aka Donia Claus, in Dec. 08 so I had 4 long months to wait for the concert. The day finally came last Thursday and we were off to the show, hours early so as to not hit traffic and get a good cheap parking spot (here is the evidence that times have changed and I'm very, very old). Being 2 hours early we went to a "mall" of sorts, that actually was an old train depot or something. Inside it was like a makeshift Fennual Hall in Boston, but like 1/100th of that and dirty. Downtown Tacoma was weird, it was gross, and frankly, I would be much more nervous to walk through there after dark than downtown Seattle. It just seemed like it had this evil aura, like people don't care about you and would jump you and beat you for your purse and phone. And then, just for good measure, maybe finish you off with a stabbing.
After eating at one of the strangest Mexican "restaurants" (a glorified fast food joint with beer and wine), we walked back up the road to the arena to get in line. With only 20 minutes til the doors opened, we wanted to get inside and get inside FAST! Upon arriving, we had noticed some "Jesus freaks" standing outside the arena. There were about a dozen, all spread out in pairs about 30 feet apart. They were holding signs that said things like "Trust Jesus" and "Fear God", and they were yelling and screaming at people to stop "idolizing" Britney. They were harassing young girls, some no older than 16, and telling them that because their hair was dyed and their face was made up, that they were committing "idolotry" (huh?) and that Britney served as a graven image they were praising instead of God. One girl just giggled and said, "You think I look and act like Britney? Thanks!" The protester's message was obviously lost in translation.
So many feelings about this. Number one, I can't help but feel a familiarity with "Christians" like this because I was raised attending a church that used some of the same scare tactics as these people. I remember a time I brought a high school bf to my church while I talked to a friend. There was nothing going on in the church that day, but we did come across the youth pastor while we were there. As I spoke to my friend, I noticed that the youth pastor had caught my bf's ear. I approached them and heard that the pastor was saying things like, "Why don't you believe? If you don't listen to me and believe YOU'LL GO TO HELL." Before I knew it my bf was attempting to get away from this man and as he was literally running out of the church, the pastor was still screaming to repent and believe or burn in Hell. I chased him out and he was visibly shaken and angry and disgusted with what had happened. He was so angry, and all I could do was cry and apologize and try to tell him that I wasn't crazy and neither were they. He was NOT buying that. This guy now had such a terrible and untrue picture of what a Christian was, and it was going to be very hard for him to ever trust anyone that tried to preach to him again.
New statistics show that 15% of people on the East coast don't identify with any religion. On the surface, some would say that the world is just getting more evil and that that is the reason God is so obsolete in some people's lives. Think about it, though: God hasn't changed. The Word is still the same. So why are there so many less believers? I think it has something to do with the messengers and the persons being entrusted with spreading the Word of God. These death and scare tactics that Christians are using now are turning people off and doing the exact opposite of what they set out to do. NOT ONE PERSON stopped to talk to those people or ask them about Jesus or what the Bible said. Not one of them got a chance to even embrace Christianity truly because they were AT A POP CONCERT BEING YELLED AT BY CRAZIES. I just had this funny image of God putting his head in his hands and sighing with defeat. This is not what he had in mind when he said, "Go into all the world and preach the Gospel". These people were simply laughable and not to be taken seriously.
The crowd was predominantly girls with dyed blonde hair and fake tans between the ages of 12 and 21, with a few gay boys, drag queens, with girls my age and a bit older sprinkled in. This was not the time, nor the place, for a sermon. It certainly wasn't fair to call Britney "evil" or talk about how she doesn't deserve children or life at all. It wasn't right to call people out on how they were dressed (not at all inappropriately) or on how they were at a concert because they held Britney above God. I don't know about the other 10,000 people, but when I have a problem or need spiritual guidance in life, I don't fold my hands and pray to Britney Spears.
I can only say that I wish people would take what religion they've learned and explore it for themselves. I wish those that were "brainwashed" by corrupt leaders would be led to question the teachings, find answers for themselves, and READ THE BIBLE instead of taking someone else's word for it. In a world full of internet lies, scams and fact checkers everywhere you turn, do we really wanna take a chance on these pastors who are just as twisted and money hungry as corporate bankers? I feel like the only way to find the truth in spirituality is to make the journey yourself.
If these people really knew what they were doing they'd stop badgering and start engaging. They'd ask people what they believed and, after really listening, offer up their opinion and belief and leave it open to the person's interpretation. They would have real FAITH, which is the one thing they are lacking when they preach. They don't get the word out there and then leave it to God like they should, they push and push and push until you're afraid not to believe, or you're just so pissed off you write it off altogether. We weren't put here to beat it into people, we were put here to open eyes and leave it to God. I don't think His plan was to have a bunch of followers who feared him so much that they didn't even know what they were agreeing to believe in.
All this from a Britney concert. Who knew.
I am so glad I got to see her again. This tour blew the Onyx Hotel tour out of the water. She worked her ass off and did stuff only a real pro could do. She looked amazing, and I would say she sounded amazing too, but only because she sang NOT ONE WORD LIVE. It's ok with me though. She is a performer and I definitely got what I wanted--an insane performance.
I can't believe this Britney is the same Brit we saw in the last two years fall apart in front of our eyes. It says a lot for mental health meds, a good parent who uses tough love, and ridding your life of people who aren't in it for you. I think about a time when I felt out of control and was hurting and acting out because I had no idea what to do or where to go. I can't imagine doing that in front of millions of people, and then having to come back and prove myself again to all those people.
That's why she is Britney and I am not. She seemed to be having a lot of fun and I hope she only continues on a good path.
And I pray for those "Christians" who are fighting the good fight and protesting Britney with hate and anger. Come on, guys. Really? There are way bigger fish to fry than an innocent pop princess with a weave and a girlish southern accent.
Can I get an Amen?
When I finally realized that my "hate" for Brit was actually jealousy that festered because of my ex bf's love for her, I was able to get past it and get on the Brit train. The I love Brit train. The train that derails all others.
The concert in Tacoma (an hour outside of Seattle) the other night was amazing! My tickets came via Santa, aka Donia Claus, in Dec. 08 so I had 4 long months to wait for the concert. The day finally came last Thursday and we were off to the show, hours early so as to not hit traffic and get a good cheap parking spot (here is the evidence that times have changed and I'm very, very old). Being 2 hours early we went to a "mall" of sorts, that actually was an old train depot or something. Inside it was like a makeshift Fennual Hall in Boston, but like 1/100th of that and dirty. Downtown Tacoma was weird, it was gross, and frankly, I would be much more nervous to walk through there after dark than downtown Seattle. It just seemed like it had this evil aura, like people don't care about you and would jump you and beat you for your purse and phone. And then, just for good measure, maybe finish you off with a stabbing.
After eating at one of the strangest Mexican "restaurants" (a glorified fast food joint with beer and wine), we walked back up the road to the arena to get in line. With only 20 minutes til the doors opened, we wanted to get inside and get inside FAST! Upon arriving, we had noticed some "Jesus freaks" standing outside the arena. There were about a dozen, all spread out in pairs about 30 feet apart. They were holding signs that said things like "Trust Jesus" and "Fear God", and they were yelling and screaming at people to stop "idolizing" Britney. They were harassing young girls, some no older than 16, and telling them that because their hair was dyed and their face was made up, that they were committing "idolotry" (huh?) and that Britney served as a graven image they were praising instead of God. One girl just giggled and said, "You think I look and act like Britney? Thanks!" The protester's message was obviously lost in translation.
So many feelings about this. Number one, I can't help but feel a familiarity with "Christians" like this because I was raised attending a church that used some of the same scare tactics as these people. I remember a time I brought a high school bf to my church while I talked to a friend. There was nothing going on in the church that day, but we did come across the youth pastor while we were there. As I spoke to my friend, I noticed that the youth pastor had caught my bf's ear. I approached them and heard that the pastor was saying things like, "Why don't you believe? If you don't listen to me and believe YOU'LL GO TO HELL." Before I knew it my bf was attempting to get away from this man and as he was literally running out of the church, the pastor was still screaming to repent and believe or burn in Hell. I chased him out and he was visibly shaken and angry and disgusted with what had happened. He was so angry, and all I could do was cry and apologize and try to tell him that I wasn't crazy and neither were they. He was NOT buying that. This guy now had such a terrible and untrue picture of what a Christian was, and it was going to be very hard for him to ever trust anyone that tried to preach to him again.
New statistics show that 15% of people on the East coast don't identify with any religion. On the surface, some would say that the world is just getting more evil and that that is the reason God is so obsolete in some people's lives. Think about it, though: God hasn't changed. The Word is still the same. So why are there so many less believers? I think it has something to do with the messengers and the persons being entrusted with spreading the Word of God. These death and scare tactics that Christians are using now are turning people off and doing the exact opposite of what they set out to do. NOT ONE PERSON stopped to talk to those people or ask them about Jesus or what the Bible said. Not one of them got a chance to even embrace Christianity truly because they were AT A POP CONCERT BEING YELLED AT BY CRAZIES. I just had this funny image of God putting his head in his hands and sighing with defeat. This is not what he had in mind when he said, "Go into all the world and preach the Gospel". These people were simply laughable and not to be taken seriously.
The crowd was predominantly girls with dyed blonde hair and fake tans between the ages of 12 and 21, with a few gay boys, drag queens, with girls my age and a bit older sprinkled in. This was not the time, nor the place, for a sermon. It certainly wasn't fair to call Britney "evil" or talk about how she doesn't deserve children or life at all. It wasn't right to call people out on how they were dressed (not at all inappropriately) or on how they were at a concert because they held Britney above God. I don't know about the other 10,000 people, but when I have a problem or need spiritual guidance in life, I don't fold my hands and pray to Britney Spears.
I can only say that I wish people would take what religion they've learned and explore it for themselves. I wish those that were "brainwashed" by corrupt leaders would be led to question the teachings, find answers for themselves, and READ THE BIBLE instead of taking someone else's word for it. In a world full of internet lies, scams and fact checkers everywhere you turn, do we really wanna take a chance on these pastors who are just as twisted and money hungry as corporate bankers? I feel like the only way to find the truth in spirituality is to make the journey yourself.
If these people really knew what they were doing they'd stop badgering and start engaging. They'd ask people what they believed and, after really listening, offer up their opinion and belief and leave it open to the person's interpretation. They would have real FAITH, which is the one thing they are lacking when they preach. They don't get the word out there and then leave it to God like they should, they push and push and push until you're afraid not to believe, or you're just so pissed off you write it off altogether. We weren't put here to beat it into people, we were put here to open eyes and leave it to God. I don't think His plan was to have a bunch of followers who feared him so much that they didn't even know what they were agreeing to believe in.
All this from a Britney concert. Who knew.
I am so glad I got to see her again. This tour blew the Onyx Hotel tour out of the water. She worked her ass off and did stuff only a real pro could do. She looked amazing, and I would say she sounded amazing too, but only because she sang NOT ONE WORD LIVE. It's ok with me though. She is a performer and I definitely got what I wanted--an insane performance.
I can't believe this Britney is the same Brit we saw in the last two years fall apart in front of our eyes. It says a lot for mental health meds, a good parent who uses tough love, and ridding your life of people who aren't in it for you. I think about a time when I felt out of control and was hurting and acting out because I had no idea what to do or where to go. I can't imagine doing that in front of millions of people, and then having to come back and prove myself again to all those people.
That's why she is Britney and I am not. She seemed to be having a lot of fun and I hope she only continues on a good path.
And I pray for those "Christians" who are fighting the good fight and protesting Britney with hate and anger. Come on, guys. Really? There are way bigger fish to fry than an innocent pop princess with a weave and a girlish southern accent.
Can I get an Amen?
Sunday, February 22, 2009
HANG me OVER a bridge and push
Ok, can I be honest for a sec? Good, honesty to come in 3,2,1...
I may still be tipsy from last night this morning, maybe it's because when you throw up it affects you in the same way it did going down? Doesn't matter, point is I am sick and it's all my fault and I'm never drinking again...blah blah blah.
This is hopefully an old skool-ish blog for y'all about nothing and everything and nothing all over again.
TOP 10 WAYS TO KNOW DONIA IS AWAY FOR THE WEEKEND:
10. All the windows are open and it's February
9. The house is a MESS
8. More dishes in the sink than in the cupboards.
7. The hair in the shower drain could pass as a small redheaded animal
6. Garbage out on the deck is hazardous to humans and animals alike. I may be fined soon.
5. I stayed out past 10 pm last night.
4. Lots of uninterrupted internet time
3. Reality shows for 4 days
2. Same clothes I was wearing Thursday
1. Britney CD has been on repeat 24/7 since I dropped her at the airport!
So it may seem like she's controlling and doesn't let me live my life as I want to...
yep, that's it.
She will be back today, which means I have to muster up enough sobriety and stomach control to go get her from the airport. I guess it's do-able, seeing as she makes the car payments and allows me to live my messy life in the Civic.
Can I just make a shout-out right now? Mind you, I realize I am immature and a total dork, but think of it this way: the girl is a year and a half younger than me! (yes, I know this). I am, of course, speaking of Miss Brit Brit, aka Britney Spears. She is amazing, y'all, and I don't use that word all too often. Ok, usually only about really good nachos, but never about people. People have nothing on nachos. (Did I really just write that? Yes I did.) I have heard her CD now at least 30 times on repeat since January and I'm totally sold. Totally. Sold. At first I wasn't impressed, thought they all sounded the same, but now I can tell them apart as if they were my very own octuplets that I couldn't afford but loved with all the crazy in my heart. I guess that pretty much explains how I feel about B. Spears. She is my hero. (I wrote "herp" by accident first. Freudian slip?) I will see her in April and I am very tempted to go to the concert either donning the old skool "Baby one more time" outfit or the new "Circus" ringleader costume. Either way, there'll be pics. So what if just me and my gay male friends are into her. We're talkin guys who taught me to apply bronzer and who can always tell when I'm on my period. That's love.
Point: listen to her CD. (or don't. I'll just die a slow, sad death)
Another thing I desperately want to promote: Twilight. Again, I know, I have the mind of a preteen with the boobs of a woman, but I neeeeed you to read this. And this isn't the same as the Brit CD, that I just want you to hear it cuz I love it and I secretly know none of you will fall for it (hey, did I just say that?? regardless--LISTEN TO BRITNEY!) No, you need to read these books. You need to see the movie. Twice. Like me. With plans to see it for a third time in the theaters before it goes to DVD, which you will buy the moment it goes on sale, no matter what the asking price. You, at first, will not want to make it the whole way through the first book, but at some point it will hit you and you will be in love. And by in love I don't mean you will wish you were a vampire and give anything and everything to actually meet Edward and make him yours and live happily ever after as the love of a vampires life. That's my job.
P.S. I make sure that I know where Robert Pattinson is at all times. This week he is in L.A. Soon enough he'll be in Vancouver filming. I will be close by with a camera and a vial of my own blood (as a gift to him, of course). Angelina style.
Was it really worth it?
Was she everything that you were looking for
To feel like a man?
I hope you know that you can’t come back
Cause all we had is broken like Shattered Glass.
You’re gonna see me in your dreams tonight
My face is gonna haunt you all the time
I promise that you gon’ want me back
When your world falls apart like shattered glass
Come on! Brilliance! Where was this song 5 years ago?!! Don't you wanna go through this JUST TO DEDICATE THIS SONG TO SOMEONE?? Fine, me neither, but it would be super cool.
Ok, last shameless plug, and this one is for those of you who like GOOD music, and by that I mean it's far from Britney. It's actual brilliance and this woman is amazing (like nachos) and talented and beautiful and I saw her live this year and wanted to go have a beer with her after and have her sing me to sleep (as I laid on the bed, she on the floor). Her name is Rachel Yamagata. Don't let the name hold you back. A-mazing. "Sunday Afternoon" is my new fav song right now. She's like Tori Amos sounding, except you don't have to try to figure out what the fuck her lyrics could possibly mean. She has real songs and real stories and if you've ever been hurt, you'll totally relate to her like Whoa. I would follow her around the country if I were rich and slightly tapped.
I would like to thank Jenna W-H for letting me rip a fence down yesterday and use my muscles and tools, and for the juicy and delicious chicken sandwich she rewarded me with. It was a fun end to my weekend alone. Smashing things just makes you feel alive and necessary and a little dangerous. Now I know why rockstars tear hotel rooms to shit. Any aggression I had is now gone, and left to the wood panels I hacked away at and then threw to the wayside. Like an old, worthless lover. Except I've never hit a lover with a crowbar. Yet.
(disturbing?)
Wow, I've been sitting here an hour tick tick ticking away at the keyboard and I feel I've accomplished nothing. Maybe I'll start a monthly newsletter to catch everyone (the three of you who care) up on the comings and goings of my life out here on the West Coast.
Would you read it? (circle yes or no)
I must go now, for the sole purpose of vomiting again. TMI, I know, but I need someone to suffer with. Misery loves company, after all. And stomach bile especially loves others to be present when it rears its ugly yellow head.
I may still be tipsy from last night this morning, maybe it's because when you throw up it affects you in the same way it did going down? Doesn't matter, point is I am sick and it's all my fault and I'm never drinking again...blah blah blah.
This is hopefully an old skool-ish blog for y'all about nothing and everything and nothing all over again.
TOP 10 WAYS TO KNOW DONIA IS AWAY FOR THE WEEKEND:
10. All the windows are open and it's February
9. The house is a MESS
8. More dishes in the sink than in the cupboards.
7. The hair in the shower drain could pass as a small redheaded animal
6. Garbage out on the deck is hazardous to humans and animals alike. I may be fined soon.
5. I stayed out past 10 pm last night.
4. Lots of uninterrupted internet time
3. Reality shows for 4 days
2. Same clothes I was wearing Thursday
1. Britney CD has been on repeat 24/7 since I dropped her at the airport!
So it may seem like she's controlling and doesn't let me live my life as I want to...
yep, that's it.
She will be back today, which means I have to muster up enough sobriety and stomach control to go get her from the airport. I guess it's do-able, seeing as she makes the car payments and allows me to live my messy life in the Civic.
Can I just make a shout-out right now? Mind you, I realize I am immature and a total dork, but think of it this way: the girl is a year and a half younger than me! (yes, I know this). I am, of course, speaking of Miss Brit Brit, aka Britney Spears. She is amazing, y'all, and I don't use that word all too often. Ok, usually only about really good nachos, but never about people. People have nothing on nachos. (Did I really just write that? Yes I did.) I have heard her CD now at least 30 times on repeat since January and I'm totally sold. Totally. Sold. At first I wasn't impressed, thought they all sounded the same, but now I can tell them apart as if they were my very own octuplets that I couldn't afford but loved with all the crazy in my heart. I guess that pretty much explains how I feel about B. Spears. She is my hero. (I wrote "herp" by accident first. Freudian slip?) I will see her in April and I am very tempted to go to the concert either donning the old skool "Baby one more time" outfit or the new "Circus" ringleader costume. Either way, there'll be pics. So what if just me and my gay male friends are into her. We're talkin guys who taught me to apply bronzer and who can always tell when I'm on my period. That's love.
Point: listen to her CD. (or don't. I'll just die a slow, sad death)
Another thing I desperately want to promote: Twilight. Again, I know, I have the mind of a preteen with the boobs of a woman, but I neeeeed you to read this. And this isn't the same as the Brit CD, that I just want you to hear it cuz I love it and I secretly know none of you will fall for it (hey, did I just say that?? regardless--LISTEN TO BRITNEY!) No, you need to read these books. You need to see the movie. Twice. Like me. With plans to see it for a third time in the theaters before it goes to DVD, which you will buy the moment it goes on sale, no matter what the asking price. You, at first, will not want to make it the whole way through the first book, but at some point it will hit you and you will be in love. And by in love I don't mean you will wish you were a vampire and give anything and everything to actually meet Edward and make him yours and live happily ever after as the love of a vampires life. That's my job.
P.S. I make sure that I know where Robert Pattinson is at all times. This week he is in L.A. Soon enough he'll be in Vancouver filming. I will be close by with a camera and a vial of my own blood (as a gift to him, of course). Angelina style.
Was it really worth it?
Was she everything that you were looking for
To feel like a man?
I hope you know that you can’t come back
Cause all we had is broken like Shattered Glass.
You’re gonna see me in your dreams tonight
My face is gonna haunt you all the time
I promise that you gon’ want me back
When your world falls apart like shattered glass
Come on! Brilliance! Where was this song 5 years ago?!! Don't you wanna go through this JUST TO DEDICATE THIS SONG TO SOMEONE?? Fine, me neither, but it would be super cool.
Ok, last shameless plug, and this one is for those of you who like GOOD music, and by that I mean it's far from Britney. It's actual brilliance and this woman is amazing (like nachos) and talented and beautiful and I saw her live this year and wanted to go have a beer with her after and have her sing me to sleep (as I laid on the bed, she on the floor). Her name is Rachel Yamagata. Don't let the name hold you back. A-mazing. "Sunday Afternoon" is my new fav song right now. She's like Tori Amos sounding, except you don't have to try to figure out what the fuck her lyrics could possibly mean. She has real songs and real stories and if you've ever been hurt, you'll totally relate to her like Whoa. I would follow her around the country if I were rich and slightly tapped.
I would like to thank Jenna W-H for letting me rip a fence down yesterday and use my muscles and tools, and for the juicy and delicious chicken sandwich she rewarded me with. It was a fun end to my weekend alone. Smashing things just makes you feel alive and necessary and a little dangerous. Now I know why rockstars tear hotel rooms to shit. Any aggression I had is now gone, and left to the wood panels I hacked away at and then threw to the wayside. Like an old, worthless lover. Except I've never hit a lover with a crowbar. Yet.
(disturbing?)
Wow, I've been sitting here an hour tick tick ticking away at the keyboard and I feel I've accomplished nothing. Maybe I'll start a monthly newsletter to catch everyone (the three of you who care) up on the comings and goings of my life out here on the West Coast.
Would you read it? (circle yes or no)
I must go now, for the sole purpose of vomiting again. TMI, I know, but I need someone to suffer with. Misery loves company, after all. And stomach bile especially loves others to be present when it rears its ugly yellow head.
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