Friday, January 25, 2008

Empty bladder, write blog...

Friday, January 25, 2008

God, Im so NERVOUS today! I have been hearing a lot of hype about these blogs lately. Theyre talked about on the streets (of Coventry), around the water cooler (at the SHOP), and even in IM's (when I bring up the topic, of course)! I dont know how much material I can come up with every day for this. Im gonna start carrying a mini notebook and looking at things very differently from now on...all as possible funny material!
Take yesterday, for instance. All I did was watch TV, eat dinner, pee a bunch of times, and walk downtown. Supermarkets=not funny. Homeless people= not funny. That guy that hit a pothole with his bike and went flying off into the street=shouldnt be funny...BUT WAS! He was ok, some good samaritans jumped in to save him from oncoming cars. Whew. Oh, and I should report the bike was bent and unrideable, but still breathing.
So, as you can see, theres not much going on to talk about. This is why I am calling all the readers (yes,all half dozen of you) to send me topics that may be plagueing your mind. I can give my expertise, mediocre knowledge, or just witty and useless banter on the subjects. Obviously, I need help here. My writers are on strike and this is hard by myself!
Vegas was burning today, the Monte Carlo, that is. Just the roof, just a section, not so bad. Except for THE BRIDE they showed being evacuated...in her wedding dress! Poor dear. Must have been that moment when they say, "If anyone disagrees with this marriage, speak now, or forever hold your...FIRE!!!!" Some ex of the groom making sure she still has a chance to win him back. Nothing says love like a little lighter fluid and a book of matches from a strip joint.(and I know---from EXPERIENCE! )
I told my mom this already but Ill tell you. Some woman gets super-wasted, kills a man while driving, does a phone interview with a bigot reporter, he says awful things congratulating her on killing a "french man/gay guy", she giggles...and BAM! Cops hear her on the recorded message and slap an extra 10 years onto her sentence. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAH...bitch.
*Now please stay tuned following this commercial break...*
LOST next Thursday. Not sure what time, prob 9, maybe 8. Check your local listings yourself.
Ok, were back with a dream I had. There were many, a church one, a work one, but this one involved me getting plastic surgery. On my feet. To make em smaller. Yeah, what a waste of surgery. Everyone was lookin at em like "oooh" and then one person commented "well theyre a tiny bit smaller, but not much". I would have kicked her, but the stitches still ached. Let me tell you, if i did have plastic surgery, it would not be on my FEET!
*Now a PSA (public service announcement, duh!)*
Make sure you vote this year. This really is a huge year for voters. Theyre saying one of the hugest elections in a loooooong time, since Abe Linc said no to slaves and FDR...well, Im not good with history. Anyway, I would like you to vote DEMOCRATIC, ah-em, but make your own choice (DEMOCRATIC). I really cant decide who Ill want if it comes down to Obama or Clinton. I will be watching intently, which you should do, too. You should talk about the candidates (but not more than you talk about my blog. And dont let anyone interrupt blog-talk with election talk, either. We have priorities, here). Our current president (whos a Republican, btw, not a DEMOCRAT) has f'ed this country up something good, and we need a fix. A fix of good old fashioned DEMOCRACY. Who better to bring that than a DEMOCRAT? Isnt it great we all have the freedom to vote as we please! (voteDEMOCRATorIdisownyouall).
**Brought to you by DEMOCRATS voting for DEMOCRATS and only DEMOCRATS.**
Hair update: Day 6 has brought a delightful "mohawk" to my head. I woke up, tried to tame my hair back down, and in doing so realized that this day brought the ability to move my hair and have it STAY where I put it! No styling products or hair spray needed! Not sure if thats a good thing, now that ive written it. Kinda sorry i did. Moving on...
So I mentioned i went walking downtown last night. We stopped at this little place called Cafe Septieme, which means something in some language, I dont really know. Anyway, it looked fancy, but they had dessert, so we were in! We were sat and looking for a dessert menu, but it was nowhere to be found on the dinner menu. When we asked our sweetie pie of a waiter if they had one he said, "Oh, no, you kinda have to just go stand at the display and look". Which means you might as well scream "Look, Im a fattie,and Im having dessert!" Torturous, but we complied. He followed us over (so sweet) and described every dessert. (He knows how to work a tip, let me tell you). We decided on our desserts and moments later were enjoying them, as, might I add, we enjoyed a glass of wine and a lovely musician playing some sort of synthesizer from the mid to late 80's. Yes, he played Flashdance, it was only fitting. I enjoyed it greatly, thinking back to the days when we'd steal Pappy's keyboard and play around with that, before the scary man, may he rest in peace, love you Pappy, yelled at us and ripped it away cuz of the "racket" (how do you spell racket when it refers to noise, anyway?) Donia, not so much enjoyment there. Didnt have keyboard days. Thought it was weird. "It sounds like drums and a horn. And he smells like pee." "Those are the special buttons!" I exclaimed (I, again, ignored the pee comment). Clearly, she gave me a strange look, and we moved onto the next topic. The waiter really was great, and had we had crew cuts and penises, he may even have hit on us! Wait, maybe he was straight, but just grossed out by my hair. Didnt think of that...So that was the highlight of the night, and i wont even tell you how much this late night dessert run cost us (good thing I got a job!). Thats how you can tell a city from a good ole hometown: in Rhody we would have run to Cumbys and grabbed a little Debbie. In Seattle, we walk 12 blocks and have to decide which bills not to pay that month just to get some cake.
Another fun thing in Seattle is the S.L.U.T. Whoa, hold on there, this is a family blog! No no, calm down, Im referring to what the stupidest "creative" executive board in the world has created in Seattle. A streetcar. Not a trolley, not a bus, not a Subway. A pretty shiny streetcar. Like a tram from Six Flags, but enclosed. What did they name this multimillion dollar project for all to see and ride? Thats right, the South Lake Union Tram. SLUT. Everyone calls it the SLUT here. Its a big joke. And the sad thing is I dont think it was meant to be a joke! They now want to build a walking area all around the SLUT. Know what theyve proposed for a name? Either South Lake Union Trail (baby SLUT) or Community Union North Trail. Ill leave that one for you to figure out. This is a family blog, after all. How did they not see that nickanme coming? Funny stat, though, wehn the SLUT was free, she had 78,000 riders in the first month. Now that you have to pay: 21,000 riders a month. See girls, anyone will ride a SLUT for free.
As I forge ahead into my weekend, and I know this blog is already some long, boring run-on sentence with the excitement of a postage stamp, I leave you with happiness and love and candy and munchkins (God i miss munchkins).
xo
P.S. In no way was I making fun of Pappy. We love him still. :)

No comments: